Golightly

Back Injury

2010-05-20T14:15:00.000-07:00

I’m back to blogging about running. I am inspired by other running bloggers plus I recently injured my back again and have been sidelined from exercising for several weeks now. I finally got desperate enough to go to a chiropractor (I’ve always been distrustful of them). The first thing he told me is that my left leg is shorter than my right resulting in this weird twisty thing that happens when I run, which is most likely the cause of all the back problems I have had.

Anyway, I am already feeling better after last night’s adjustment, but I still had to take some pain meds this morning. I am REALLY hoping that after tonight’s appointment I can run this weekend. I am going absolutely and completely nutso not exercising. AND to make it worse I have been feeling so crummy that I’ve been turning to food.

So today I am going back to very strict calorie counting and attempting to have a more positive attitude about the whole situation.

Lack of Motivation

2010-02-09T11:20:00.000-08:00

I am feeling incredibly unmotivated lately. Is unmotivated even a word? Well, whatever, it is now. I’m unmotivated in EVERY aspect of my life too. School, exercise, work, blogging, etc etc. See! I’m even unmotivated when it comes to listing what it is I’m unmotivated towards.

The point is I need to get back on track. This whole sitting in front of the tv snacking for hours on end must STOP.

What do you all do to get your butts in gear? OR if you want to be lazy like me go ahead and peruse this hipster puppy tumblr I stumbled upon this morning: http://hipsterpuppies.tumblr.com/. OR take this color career test: http://www.careerpath.com/career-tests/. Which just happens to be the second career test I’ve taken in the past two months that says I should be a secretary.

She could talk to dolphins!!

2010-02-04T12:19:00.000-08:00

I’m part of a book club and several months ago somebody picked Twilight as our book of the month. We try and choose a variety: some classics, nonfiction, modern fiction, etc. Anyway, somebody decided to throw mindless fiction in there. Not that I really have a problem with that because it was an easy read and I had a good time making fun of it and the movie, which we watched as a group while drinking red wine. I also enjoyed reading parts out loud to Chuckles forcing him to leave the room therefore leaving the couch all to myself. Jackpot.

We ended up getting into a discussion about what romantic books/movies we were overly obsessed with when we were teenagers. Of course, the typical answer for somebody my age is Titanic, but I only saw Titanic once and could barely follow the plot thanks to the incredibly annoying girl sitting in front of me who was crying so hard she had hiccups.

So here’s my confession: my obsession was with a book called The Ring of Endless Light by Madeleine L’Engel. Here is how I described it to my friends: “ It’s about a teenage girl on her summer vacation who can communicate with dolphins and there are three different guys fighting over her: the college guy, the rich guy, and the boy next door. AND she’s NERDY.”

Of course, my friends were doubtful about the whole talking to dolphins aspect of it, but I’m telling you it was AWESOME. Apparently, there was a whole other story line about her grandpa dying and, well, actually, death seems to be a theme in the book. But I completely overlooked the boring death parts for the BOYS. AND it was apparently made into a TV movie starring Mischa Barton. I’m kicking myself for missing that one.

Did anyone else have a similar Twilight obsession when they were a teenager?

My Poor, Ugly, Deformed Feet

2010-02-02T11:33:00.000-08:00

I didn’t run as many miles this past week because I have midterms coming up, but I am still working out regularly. I am encountering a problem though. I am getting HUGE calluses on the sides of my big toes. Everything I have read on this says that I am wearing the wrong size shoe. This BLOWS because it’s not like I have a money tree in my back yard and can buy a brand new pair of running shoes when the ones I’m wearing now are only six months old.

The calluses only really hurt when I wear high heels, but I wear high heels ALL THE TIME! There is no way I am going to let running interfere with my shoe hobby. No. Way. Not to mention the calluses are making my feet look even more deformed than they already are (Chuckles has always been creeped out by my long toes)…so I need to get this fixed before summer comes. I would feel way too guilty getting a pedicure right now – nobody should have to touch my feet.

There is a place by Green Lake called Jock and Jill that I want to check out because they analyze you while you run to determine exactly what shoes you should be wearing, which is apparently what I need. Anyway, if I have any extra time in the next month or, for that matter, money just lying around just dying to be spent I’ll be heading to Jock and Jill to be told what shoes I should be wearing.

Anorexia Pisses Me OFF

2010-01-26T13:11:00.000-08:00

I feel like I am finally back in the swing of things. School is starting to really pick up and I have been working out almost every day. I ran a total of 15 miles over the weekend with a long run of 9 miles on Sunday, which felt really good even when it started raining when I only had 3 miles left. I am aiming for over 20 miles this week, which will be a record for me, but hopefully become a more regular occurrence.

On a related note I feel the need to say that this whole running thing I’ve got going on has nothing to do with me wanting to lose weight. I am really happy with my body right now. I went to a Postsecret event a couple weeks ago (which was fantastic) and was reminded, thanks to all the anorexic postcards, of some friends in college who were anorexic and my own unhealthy obsession with my weight, aka my weird idea that a size four wasn’t small enough. None of us ate healthy food or worked out – the whole focus was on how little we could eat. I lived on coffee and cereal.

I may have gained weight since my college days, but I’m so much healthier that it’s hard to be down about it. I think it is so important that we support each other and always remember that we’re all different. I remember in school once we were getting our fat percentage tested and the skinniest girl in the class had the highest percentage. Doesn’t that just scream at you that we as a society are focusing on the wrong things?! That we should be focusing on blood pressure, cholesterol, etc instead of what size jeans you fit into it?

I had a friend who was in and out of hospitals for anorexia so this is a very touchy subject for me. Not to mention that my high school nurse and I knew each other well thanks to the number of times that I was called into her office and forced to eat saltines and drink juice. I just have one final thought, which is that I feel 1,000 times better about myself when I finish 9 miles at a strong pace than I ever did when I put a bikini on and could count all my ribs. So, yeah, I’m going to get off my soapbox now. I hope everybody had a fabulous weekend!

What I want right now

2010-01-20T11:05:00.001-08:00

Work has been kicking my butt lately hence the lack of posting. Also, for probably the first time in my life I’m having trouble sleeping so I’m a thousand times more tired than I usually am. However, I have been keeping up with my running. But really there’s nothing that exciting to report...AND I have nothing to write about here. I started to write about the baby fever that is taking over my life, but it was a really lame post. So instead I’ll do another post of things I WANT. No, NEED.

First, while I am usually not a fan of exposed zippers I love how it makes this simple black skirt more interesting and sexy.

Second, I have always wanted a pair of Tory Burch shoes. Actually, Tory Burch anything would be welcomed, but I especially love these bronze wedges.

Lastly, I really need a new purse and I keep saying I’ll get a black or brown, but I love this sunny yellow purse. It would just brighten up any outfit!

If only I was made of money.

More Evidence That I Should Drop Out Of School

2010-01-12T12:43:00.000-08:00

To continue with my earlier post I forced Chuckles to take the same personality test I did. Funnily enough we’re practically complete opposites AND his profile clearly said, “You should not marry a career woman.” So. Can you use an MBA degree as a housewife?

Anyway, I finally signed up for my half marathon! I’m excited right now simply because I can’t believe I’m actually following through with something and now that I’ve spent the money on it I HAVE to run it. Good thing I’ll be successful with this resolution because I already have missed several days on my Project 365 resolution. I’m just not very creative when it comes to photo composition, which is one of the reasons I chose the resolution…but I’m having a hard time with it. Oh well, hopefully I’ll get better. Running, on the other hand, has been going well. I went for an 8 miler on Saturday and it felt fabulous – much better than the week before. I think it was either the speedwork I did during the week…or the huge plate of pasta I downed the night before.

Born in the Wrong Decade

2010-01-07T14:26:00.000-08:00

One of the classes I am taking this quarter is Management of People. One of the first we things we had to do was take a personality test – the Myer Briggs test to be exact. I’ve taken this before but couldn’t quite remember much about it other than that I was introverted (Shocker!).

Halfway through the seventy question test I just wanted to scrawl across the test, “You guessed it! I HATE PEOPLE! Happy Now?” However, the perfectionist in me would never purposely fail at test…even if it is only a personality test.

After I took the test and scored it I found that on the Judging-Perception scale I am very very much on the Judging side. Not judging in the sense that those shoes you’re wearing are hideous…although I am judging in that sense too. But in Myer Briggs test it refers to something completely different. In my case when it comes right down to it it means that I need the next 5 years of my life planned out in excruciating detail. This tendency of mine drives my fiancé mad and he is always telling me I do not need to plan so far ahead and blah blah blah. The point is it’s a big part of my personality and there is NOTHING I can do to change it…or something like that. My personality description also said that I would most likely marry an alcoholic (no joke) so when I informed Chuckles that I was justified in my planning the next ten years of our lives he replied that it was time he started drinking more, which is fine by me as long as he doesn’t lose his job because, apparently, I am also meant to be a housewife. Time to start popping out babies! Screw school!

In other news, I haven't done any running since Tuesday, but I did do yoga on Tuesday and my arms are still sore. I plan on running 4 miles when I get home tonight, which will make for a very long day, but I'm not going to let that stop me.

Sea of Love

2010-01-05T11:09:00.000-08:00

I feel like I am finally back on the healthy wagon. I ran a total of 12 miles this weekend. They were difficult, but felt good. I blame the difficulty on how windy it was outside – it really is hard to run up a steep hill against the wind.

I also did some speedwork last night at the gym, which is quickly turning into my favorite workout. I used to dread it, but now I really look forward to it. I like it because it is easy to convince myself that I can run fast when I only have to do it for a mile at a time. I also watched the end of the UNC basketball game while I ran, which really made the time fly by.

I also started keeping track of everything I eat again, which I pretty much stopped doing for the month of December. School starts up again this week so I’m glad I got back into my routine before it started otherwise I never would have.

I’m alternately pumped and depressed that school’s starting again. I’m pumped because I don’t really have another long break until August, which is when I am getting married and that means that the next 8 months will just fly by. On the other hand, I have eight months of school with no break, which means I will be Burnt Out by the end of it. My plan of attack is to take it day by day by day. I almost wish I had some more wedding planning to do for something to look forward to, but knowing that I was going to be busy I already took care of most everything. We have to register this month, but after that all that’s left is little stuff like making the favors and…well, that’s pretty much it.

I’ve even finished my favorite part of the planning: the playlist. We are having a very intimate wedding, less than 30 people, so no band or dj, which gives me complete control over the music. As a music fanatic I wouldn’t have it any other way. I was hoping that it would take me the whole year of our engagement to fiddle with it, but it’s only taken me six months. I also thought it would take me forever to settle on what song I wanted to walk down the aisle too…but I actually decided pretty quickly on that:

Here’s the song that we will walk back down to the aisle to:

This was the second runner up for the processional song:

Do you have a favorite love song that was or will be featured in your wedding?

New Year's Resolutions

2009-12-31T11:32:00.000-08:00

I was going to write a post about how I never make resolutions and then, out of curiosity, I looked at my blog archives from last January and, apparently, I made several resolutions last year. The good news is I succeeded at one of them, which was to run more. But the other two were huge failures (be organized and be more adventurous with fashion). I’m not even going to attempt being organized this year – it’s a lost cause. So here are my resolutions for 2010 that I hopefully will not immediately forget about.

Run a half marathon. Since running was my only successful resolution of 2009 why not continue with it for 2010? I plan on signing up for the race next week and seriously start training this weekend. I’m actually excited for this. I’ve always wanted to be able to run a half marathon and, more than that, be the type of person that would run a half marathon. Now I am that person! I just have to keep reminding myself how wonderful it will feel to cross that finish line. Along the same lines I want to diversify my fitness routine. Try swimming more and take more classes at the gym.

Project 365. I got a fancy new camera last January and I haven’t been very lax about using it. My goal this year is to become a better photographer and I figured the best way to go about this would be with lots of practice. With all that practice I’m sure to get better at composition and lighting. So I plan on taking at least one picture every day. Obviously, to succeed at this resolution I will need to get in the habit of carrying my camera with me everywhere and also uploading my pics once a week. I also think it will be fun to look at the pictures next year as a way of reviewing 2010.

Career Decision. This isn’t so much a resolution as a MUST DO. I have to start interviewing next fall so I really need to figure out what kind of job I want and what kind of company I want to work for. I’m sure I’ll be blogging about it because it has been weighing heavily on my mind lately.

I am really really looking forward to 2010. Mainly because I’m getting married. Did you hear me? I’M GETTING MARRIED. I’ve been engaged for six months and yet I still feel the need to shout that every time I say it. Here’s to a fabulous 2010 – Happy new years!

Motivation for the new year

2009-12-29T11:37:00.000-08:00

Then last night I went to the gym to run a 4-miler on the treadmill. The first mile went great. Then the second mile I started to get shin splints and stomach cramps all at once. Two things that rarely happen to me. I kept pausing the treadmill to stretch and drink water, but nothing was helping. So I quit at mile 2. I have NEVER quit a run early before. I felt shitty about it all night. I should have at least walked the other 2 miles. Oh well, time to start over and forget about it.

Luckily, Runner’s World posted an article today about how to stay motivated so I decided to write down my favorite ones from the article here so I can refer back to it when I need a little extra push (some I tweaked slightly to fit me personally).

Create a blog. I’m already doing this! This is all about publicly declaring your goals to create accountability for yourself. In that vein, I fully plan on running 4 miles tomorrow and 8 miles on Friday.

Forget the watch. I have become way too attached to my Garmin. I can’t even imagine running without it. But I found on a 10 miler I did a week ago that when I didn’t look at it constantly and actually relaxed I ran at a faster pace. So I need to become more relaxed and start making running fun again. On a related note, I think this is partly what went wrong last night – I was pushing myself too hard and if I had just slowed down I’m sure I would’ve finished the 4 miles.

Sign up now. Signing up for a 5k is how I originally motivated myself to start running. I’m very competitive so this always helps me. I really need to sign up for the Seattle Rock n Roll half before I chicken out or they sell out. I signed on to do it a couple weeks ago and then got sticker shock when I saw how expensive it was. But now I have Christmas money so I NEED to get on that. I know that’ll get me off my ass. The fear of failure really is the ultimate motivator.

Think Fast. Runner’s World’s suggestion here was to run the first half of your run slow and then run the second half fast. I definitely need to try some runs like this because so often I don’t pace myself very well and am dying on the second half of the run. It would be a nice change of pace to have extra energy at the end of the run.

Download new music. I know if Kesha’s song Tick Tock came on my iPod as I was running my pace would increase. Or promise yourself that if you go for your run you can purchase that song you just can’t get enough of when you get back.

Remind yourself. It always helps me to remind myself how far I’ve come both mentally and physically since I started running regularly. I may not be at the weight I want to be at, but I am proud of my body because I know what it’s capable of. I love my legs now even if they are ridiculously short because I know how strong they are. I always make a point of thinking about how confident and great I feel when I finish a run.

Treat yourself. When I am having an especially hard time getting my ass out the door I promise myself a treat when I get back. Chocolate milk is the best treat because it’s good to drink after a run and who doesn’t love it?

Honeymoon Bikini. This is the obvious one. Swimsuit season is just around the corner. I’ll be on a honeymoon this summer and I fully intend to look hot while on it. I plan on hanging a pic of my dream swimsuit in my office to serve as a constant reminder.

Don’t Pause. This is a big one for me. I need to just jump out of bed and go for a run – I tend to give myself too much time to talk myself out of it.

No Regret. My mantra: You’ll regret it big time if you don’t run and laze around on the couch instead.

Try New Trails. Change up your route. I think I’ll try the park across the street (I don’t know why I haven’t run there yet…) and Green Lake would be a big treat for me (great people watching).

What motivates you to get out the door and get your ass in gear?

For Brandy

2009-12-28T09:01:00.000-08:00

We interrupt the regular blog program for a very important message from the amazing Brandy. Please read it and think about it. If you feel so inclined, please copy and paste the below post onto your own blog to spread the word and keep the good karma, thoughts and prayers flowing.

My name is brandy. And I have a blog.

And a plea.

I use my blog to showcase the crazy I meet everyday, share the stories of the kids I teach and document my love for tequila, dairy products and the abdominal muscles of Ryan Reynolds. Rarely do I talk about personal issues on my blog- as personal as the dude that I adore (who I actually met through my blog- single ladies, let that be a very good reason to blog, the possibility of meeting someone as wonderful as my man), but I need your help. And it involves my dude.

He's a guy who made math comics for my class, so they would love learning about addition. He's the kinda guy who sends my friends gift cards when they are having hard times, who remembers every story I ever told him, who was the first person I celebrated with when I got a teaching job. He's the guy who sent flowers to me at school- dozens of my favourite pink roses just because he loves me. He's a guy who has spent a year patiently explaining (and re-explaining) everything there is to know about football during the important games when silence is preferred. He's made me word puzzles and comics and stayed up late playing Scrabble with me (even though I beat him almost every time). He's listened to me cry about school and family and jobs. He is everything I never knew I needed and everything I always knew I wanted.

The holidays have hit us hard. He's recently been told he may have something called multiple myeloma- an incurable cancer, that gives a person an average of five years of continued life. Though this news has came as a shock, he continues to be exactly who has always been- spending his time worrying about me, rather than worrying about himself. He's the most selfless individual I know- (he stayed late on Christmas Eve to work, so his co-workers could leave early) and a post like this would never be something that he would promote or encourage but when I'm overwhelmed and feeling helpless, the blogging community has always given me tremendous support and comfort, two things I desperately need at this time.

As I write this, the future is uncertain and we aren't sure what's happening. He'll need to see an oncologist soon, to verify what's going on in his body. My hope is that everyone who reads this think positive thoughts and if you are a person who prays, could you add him to your list? (You can refer to him as 'brandy's hot awesome dude'). If you don't pray, please keep him in your heart.This cancer is only a possibility and I believe that the prayers and positive thoughts of people can make sure it never becomes a reality.

I want to give a big thank you to the blog owner who scraped their original blog plans and graciously put this up. My goal is to get as many people as possible to see and read this post. If you are reading this and want to help, copy and paste my plea into your blog or send a link through twitter, so more people can keep him in their thoughts. I would be so very grateful (even more grateful than I am to my friend who first showed me the picture of Ryan Reynolds on the cover of Entertainment Weekly. If you haven't seen it, google it. You. Are. Welcome).

I realize this all sounds dramatic, a Lifetime movie in the making- but this is life. Right now. And I'm throwing away any hint of ego and am humbly asking for you to pray or think kind thoughts. If you are able to pass this on, thank you and if you know anything regarding MM- please email me (my email is on my blog). This isn't a call for sympathy or a plea for pity. It's just one girl hoping you can think positive thoughts for the person she adores. If my current heartache provides you with anything, let it be with the reminder that life is short, love is unbending and no one knows what could happen next. Maybe it is silly, but I really do believe that positive thoughts can make a huge difference. Thank you for reading this and if you haven't already? Please tell someone you love them today.

I did.

Turns Out I'm Illiterate

2009-12-22T11:19:00.000-08:00

I was thinking last week that I wanted to start having more posts about cooking on here. I love to cook and am always trying new recipes so I thought I could share with the three readers I have what recipes work and what don’t.

So this weekend as I went on a baking frenzy and in the back of my mind was the thought of what recipe could I blog about. The first difficulty I encountered was taking pictures of the steps. I don’t know how the Pioneer Woman does it! It must take her ages to cook when she has to take pictures of every step.

The other difficulty was that everything I made was a disaster…well, mostly everything. First, I made cookies called Oatmeal Scotchies on Saturday. When I read the part of the recipe where it called for one cup of butter in my head I read 1 stick of butter. I didn’t catch my mistake until after the cookies were out of the oven and finished and then had an epiphany where I realized it was supposed to be TWO sticks of butter. Oopsies! Chuckles has assured me they taste fine despite the lack of butter. I personally am not a fan of oatmeal cookies so I am not a trusty source for an unbiased opinion so I really don’t know if they’re ok...people seem to be eating them. But the point is I can’t be trusted to give advice on cooking.

Then on Sunday I made Deep Chocolate Cheesecake Bars. The first step was to melt an entire bag of chocolate chips. Then it said beat cream cheese and sugar. So I beat the cream cheese and sugar with the chocolate. Big Mistake. The chocolate was supposed to be added later – I think it really messed up the consistency. It was a bitch to mix that’s for sure. It seems to be ok, but I’ve only had one so I am reserving judgment on those until later when I can pawn them off on unsuspecting family members.

Finally, tonight we are going to a potluck and I was going to make a pear, bleu cheese, and walnut salad for it. I always make candied walnuts because (do I really have to explain?) candied walnuts are always better than toasted walnuts. I decided to try a new recipe for it because the last ones I made weren’t pretty enough for me. Sure they tasted good, but they just didn’t look like it – I wanted them to be shinier. So I made them from a new recipe that had glowing reviews and poured them on some wax paper to cool and when I went to put them in a container later they were completely stuck to the paper. So obviously I fucked up and the worst part is I have no idea where! But they sure are shiny…

So if I were to do cooking posts on here they would all most likely be a lesson in what NOT to do. My coworker told me not to stress about it because I have been very tired and stressed and therefore flaky lately and that is why I can do nothing right. My reaction to this flakiness has been to drink four times the amount of caffeine than I normally do, which, unfortunately, is only making the situation worse…oh well, only 3 more days til Christmas.

Do NOT mess with my sleep!

2009-12-17T15:30:00.000-08:00

I was reading an article on Runners World the other day about how people find time in their busy lives to workout. I am a total sucker for articles like this because I often find myself in the mindset that I am too busy to do anything and then I read these articles and realize that my life is a piece of cake compared to these other people. For example, there was one woman who had four young children and worked full time and to get her runs in she would get up at 4:30 in the morning!! Isn’t that the

So I thought why can’t I get up at 5:30 in the morning to work out on those days when I have work and then school afterwards? Anybody who knows me knows that I love love loooooove to sleep in. In fact, I will outright YELL at you if you try to get me up earlier than I need to. I might even hit you. Who am I kidding? I would definitely hit you. Maybe even with brass knuckles.

So I immediately threw that idea out the window and decided that a much more reasonable strategy would be to stay up late and go for a run. The problem is next week staying up late to work out just isn’t an option. So I am entertaining the possibility of getting up early.

I have basically given up on the idea that I will be able to run on Christmas Eve or Christmas and the fact that I even thought about running on those days makes me think that I am quite possibly losing my mind.

Anywhoodle, I have decided that my goal is to work out at least 2 days next week. What with multiple birthday and Christmas parties I think it will be quite the challenge. AND to fulfill it I will HAVE to get my ass out of bed early one morning. Hopefully nobody will get hurt in the process.

In case you’re wondering why I am posting so much about my boring exercise routine it’s because I have found that it motivates me to keep at it when I blog about it. Basically I take motivation wherever I can find it and go with it.

Give me the biggest omelet you got

2009-12-14T15:02:00.000-08:00

I ran my first 10K this weekend. It was Saturday morning and I spent Friday night at a Christmas party at a winery in Woodinville. I assured myself going in that I would leave early and only have one glass of wine. That didn’t so much happen. The wine was just so tasty!

I eventually made it home just after 10 pm and downed some water and ibuprofen. Luckily, I didn’t feel that horrible the next morning and my running buddy, Linda, and I ran the 10k no problem. I really wanted to finish in under an hour and we ended up finishing at 1 hr and 33 seconds. I blame this on the fact that I failed to double knot my shoelaces so we had to stop twice for me to tie my shoes. I easily wasted thirty seconds there.

Our pace was pretty good for the first half – we were consistently under a 9:30 pace (pretty freakin’ good for me). Of course this meant that I really struggled during the last two miles. I kept thinking this is just NEVER going to end. Our average pace for the last three miles was probably more like 9:45.

Anyway, I’m really glad I did it even if it was below freezing out. Afterwards we met a college friend of mine for a delicious brunch at a place called Wild Wheat in Kent. I had the biggest bacon omelet EVER. It was absolutely insane. Anywhoodle, I’m already looking for my next race!

Why Must I Be a Poor Student?

2009-12-08T11:42:00.000-08:00

I’ve been window shopping all morning on the interwebs, which is alternating making me happy to look at all the pretty clothes and sad that I have no money to buy any of them, but a girl can dream right? So I thought why not make everybody suffer with me! I have a Christmas party this Friday and while I will wear some old dress or skirt I’ve had for years here’s what I wish I was wearing:

I LOVE this Octopus bracelet from Anthropologie. Of course, it is way over my jewelry budget at $198, but I think you could wear it with a simple LBD and black shoes and it would make the whole outfit interesting instantly. I love fun accessories for that reason alone.

I think this 7 for all Mankind Asymmetrical dress would be perfect for holiday parties – Simple with just a little bit of embellishment on the shoulder. I would definitely wear a skinny black belt around the waist to give it a bit of shape.

And to complete it a pair of simple black pumps by Michael Antonio with a ruffle along the edge. Surprisingly, these are affordable at $50, but they don’t have my size. (My bank account is grateful.)

Well, that’s my dream outfit for this Friday night. What are you lusting after this holiday season?

Some Rambling Nonsense

2009-12-03T14:35:00.000-08:00

I filled out my class evaluations today and for the first time since I started graduate school I gave both my professors glowing reviews. They were both interesting and explained everything clearly, not to mention, managed to make two subjects that had the potential to be excruciatingly boring fascinating. Because of this I am almost sad to see this quarter end for you never know what kind of nightmares I’ll have to deal with next quarter.

I say almost sad because I have never had so much reading assigned before and, therefore, have never been so behind before. That and when I turned in my legal paper rough draft I was told it needed “extensive rewording” which gave me heart palpitations because I don’t handle criticism well.

It also makes me nervous because, while normally I’d be looking forward to a leisurely break this break will be the complete opposite of leisurely thanks to Christmas and wedding planning and my life is only going to get more busy in the next nine months. On the positive side this means they’ll go by fast, which is good because I am very impatient and ready to get married.

I am also looking forward to getting back to training and exercising more regularly. I get so caught up in studying for finals because I’m crazy and think that anything less than 100% is a big fat FAILURE that everything else in my life has to take a backseat for those two last weeks in the quarter. So starting the 13^th I am going to start seriously training for my half marathon and I really can’t wait!

I wish I could make time this weekend to run because the temperature here took a severe and sudden drop this week and I would like to get some experience running in the freezing cold before my race on the 12^th. Unfortunately, I am afraid that 10K will be my first attempt at running in the snow. So at this point I am just hoping I am able to run it. I asked Chuckles to get me some runner’s cleats just in case it’s really icy.

Well…those are my rambling thoughts for the day. It’s pretty representative of how all over the place my head is lately.

Trying to be a runner

2009-12-01T13:34:00.000-08:00

I’ve been running regularly for over a year now and have seen a lot of improvement in my speed and form and yet I still don’t feel like I belong to the “runner’s club”. I read other running blogs and runners world forums and feel pathetic that I have yet to run even a half-marathon.

Of course, I know this shouldn’t bother me at all because everybody has to start somewhere. Regardless, when I see other runners out on my run I always feel my pace speed up a little as I try to prove myself.

I went on two runs this past weekend in an attempt to burn off the Thanksgiving calories and they were difficult, painful runs. It was quite possibly the amount of booze I drank on Thursday or the biting wind, but by the last mile of my nine mile run on Friday I was barely able to walk.

And (I warn you – this might be TMI) it was also difficult to run because there was a distinct possibility that I might shit my pants. I know I am not the only one that has this problem on long runs and the best advice I have found on runners’ forums is “Run near toilets”. Great. Advice.

Anyway, as I was walking up the hill toward my car a girl was running towards me with a runner’s belt, skinny runner’s body, and judging eyes. Yes, Judging Eyes. Because I was walking. It took all my willpower not to yell, “It’s because I don’t want to shit my pants! Lay Off Lady!” Yeah, take that.

I'm Thankful for Wine

2009-11-25T12:11:00.000-08:00

I rarely use Thanksgiving as an opportunity to think about what I’m thankful for. Instead, I see it as an opportunity to eat a helluva lot of food and sit in front of the TV all day and while this year really isn’t that much different, as in I’m still going to eat a lot, there were reminders about why I am thankful for many things in my life.

First, I was reading Postsecret on Monday and there was one secret that stood out to me:

It made me so grateful that I have such a great support system around me - a great family, friends, and fiancé. I just can’t imagine going through life all by myself.

Then yesterday on my way to the gym after work I was listening to an NPR story about soldiers coming home and how a family whose son had died was at the homecoming anyways as some sort of closure and they were sobbing. So I was sobbing, of course. I got some weird looks when I got to the gym from my body pump instructor who said hi to me and then quickly walked away because it was so painfully obvious that I had been crying. It was Awkward and if it hadn’t been Thanksgiving week I would have skipped.

But, seriously, I am so blessed with my wonderful parents, my bossy big sister (I’ve grown to love the bossiness about her…especially as she takes over wedding planning) and her family, and my amazing fiancé.

Also, I’m thankful for my ability to walk forever in heels. I think I was born to wear heels. Thank god because it makes up for my short legs, which I am NOT thankful for. Although, I am thankful I can run on them.

Ok…I’ll stop now. What are YOU thankful for? Mashed potatoes? Booze? Larry David?

Hooker Boots

2009-11-23T12:10:00.000-08:00

So I really like the idea of thigh-high boots, but, at the same time, am unsure how you pull them off without looking like a hooker ala Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman. I suspect that they only way to wear them is over leggings or skinny jeans. Neither of which I wear because I feel like they only look good on girls who are a size 2. Although…I’ve been tempted to get some leggings lately, but I would always wear them with a dress (as if that somehow makes it ok).

I think in the pics below that Hayden Panettiere and Cameron Diaz really pull them off, but is it just because they’re hot celebs?! Or can a nobody pull them off? If so, how?

And, it has to be said, they look incredibly difficult to get on and off so would I end up wearing them constantly? To bed? In the shower? Not to mention, what if they’re so tight they cut off circulation to my legs? So, what are your thoughts on thigh-highs?

Dreamboats

2009-11-19T16:07:00.000-08:00

I was going to write today about gift guides and recycle the age old topic of how utterly difficult my dad is to shop for, but luckily I came across this article that lists literary characters the author would get down and dirty with, which is waaaayyy more interesting than Christmas shopping.

Of course there are a few on the list I disagree with. Specifically - Carlisle Cullen? Puh-lease. If I were to sleep with any character from Twilight it would be Jacob. Who in their right mind would choose Carlisle over Jacob?! And, for that matter, who would choose Edward over Jacob?! You’re a nutjob if you’d pick Edward. I’m sorry if that seems harsh but those are the facts.

However, I wholeheartedly agree with Gilbert Blythe. Oh, how I love him. Nummy. I’m drooling just thinking about it…Rhett Butler is another one. I just think he has to be a-mazing in bed. I can’t believe how stupid Scarlet was to not figure it out. Once again, who in their right mind would pick Ashley Wilkes over Rhett Butler?! SCARLET! I wish I could slap her silly.

I also have one character I would like to add – Laurie from Little Women. I was devastated when he didn’t marry Jo because Jo is a stupid stupid lady (I was going to say bitch, but I don’t hate her that much no matter how hard I try) and married Amy instead. Obviously, Jo didn’t deserve him because she didn’t know what she had and Amy didn’t deserve him because she was a little snot. I might be biased thanks to the fact that he was played by Christian Bale in the movie, but I really did love him in the book. In fact, I refused to finish the book the first time I read it when I realized that Jo wasn’t going to end up with him. Jesus, I’m getting myself all hot and bothered just thinking about it.

So what literary character are you dying to bump uglies with?

Pineapple Police

2009-11-17T10:49:00.000-08:00

I participated in the Pineapple Classic this weekend for the second year in a row. I was on a team with my friend, Linda; the Sandy Bee-yotches. I know, we’re dorks. It’s a fun race – it’s a 5K obstacle course. There are walls to climb over, tubes to crawl through, and nets to climb across. Needless to say you end the race covered in mud.

Well, this year I was lucky enough to have an asshole following me throughout the course. First, there was the wall that had no footholes and was so tall that even with a running leap I still couldn’t touch the top. As I tried to do a running leap and failed I shrugged and turned to walk around and saw AH give me a distinctly dirty look. I tried to shrug it off thinking I had just imagined it.

Next were the dreaded monkey bars. I didn’t even attempt these last year. It still boggles my mind that I could do this at any point in my life. This year though I at least tried it. It took me three tries to even grab a hold of the stupid bars (in case you haven’t figured it out yet I’m a tad bit shorter than your average female). When I finally did get a grip on them my hand immediately slipped off and I consider myself lucky that I didn’t fall flat on my back in the middle of a mud puddle. So I said, “Screw it!” As AH behind me said, “What you’re not even going to attempt it?!” I answered with the same dirty look he gave me earlier.

So throughout this race every team has to carry a pineapple with them and every time we got to an obstacle Linda would stick it down her pants to free up her hands. And, yes, it was as funny as it sounds. At the second wall as Linda stuffed it down her pants I told her that she didn’t have to stretch her pants out this time she should just throw the pineapple over the wall and pick it up on the other side. AH interjected here and informed us that you are NOT ALLOWED to let the pineapple touch the ground EVER. I told him there was no need to worry we’d already been disqualified multiple times so SUCK IT. I didn’t actually say suck it out loud because I have no balls.

Next was the net that we had to climb up and over. I watched as Linda climbed up it with a pineapple stuffed down her pants and when she had climbed over the top I started climbing up it. When I got to the top I swung my leg up and over only to hear AH yell, “Thanks for not kicking me in the face!” Shouldn’t he have been farther down the net knowing that I was going to have to move my leg that way to climb over the top?!

So…yeah…that’s my rant about AH at the Pineapple Classic. I really did have fun on it and will do it again next year. But seriously it’s supposed to be a fun and crazy race – people running it shouldn’t appoint themselves the Pineapple police, instead, they should be encouraging everyone else. Like the people at the second wall who cheered for me when I made it over because I still had to stretch like crazy to reach the top despite the footholds.

Happy Veterans Day

2009-11-11T15:22:00.000-08:00

My grandparents recently moved from their cute house in Ballard where they had lived since my mom was in high school to a retirement complex. At first they had resisted the idea of it, but once they had visited the place a couple times they decided that they would be crazy not to move there.

Now that they’re there they fit right in and love it. My grandpa plays in a band that has gigs at various parties around the complex and my grandma goes to cooking classes and is routinely stopped by random people and asked if she is the violinist’s wife.

Anyway, I’m telling you all about this because every Veterans Day I think about my grandpa and how grateful I am for him fighting in WWII. To say he is proud of being a member of the Marines Corp would be a drastic understatement. So at this retirement place they have a little entryway which they can decorate and here is my grandparents:

So, yeah, he’s proud to be a marine. As he should be.

Slightly Crazy

2009-11-09T15:21:00.000-08:00

I always joke that I have a slightly obsessive compulsive personality. I don’t mean that I have to check 7 times if I turned the oven off or that I compulsively wash my hands, but that I am a complete slave to my routine. Sometimes I think that my routine is all that is keeping me sane. I can be so engrossed in my routine that it interferes with my life. For example, around midterms and finals I will get super stressed about not having enough time to study or write papers, but instead of asking for help from Chuckles in doing my laundry or grocery shopping or cooking dinner I will insist on doing it all myself. Because how could I possibly get through a Friday morning without going to the grocery store? Or you can’t seriously think I would let somebody else touch my dirty clothes? The thought alone makes me start hyperventilating.

It’s not just my routine, but I always need my CD’s and shoes to be arranged in a certain order and if somebody even thinks about changing it I will Flip. The Fuck. Out. Anyway, I wasn’t planning on boring you with ALL of my neuroses today…The fact is that my routine has been thrown into a complete tailspin this past week and it is ALL I CAN THINK ABOUT. While writing about Enron the only thing going through my mind is “I don’t know what we’re doing for dinner tomorrow night” and next thing you know I’ve written that exact sentence down right in the middle of a paragraph about auditing legislation. It takes me approximately a minute to get out of my chair because I’m concentrating on the fact that I can’t, at the moment, do laundry at my house.

The reason for all the changes is GOOD, but I can’t seem to get past the change itself. We are having our kitchen and utility room floor retiled and getting a new stove and Chuckles is repainting those rooms. Good things right?! Especially the stove because I have been known to complain about our lack of a vent.

My complete reliance on routine could quite possibly be the most annoying thing about me. I definitely hate that I can be so inflexible about how things have to be done. I guess I hope that by writing this out I can see how utterly silly I’m being. Does anybody else rely on their daily routines to a fault and, if not, how do you live?!

Adventures in Running

2009-11-04T12:10:00.001-08:00

I don’t really have any interesting stories to share from this summer or at least none that come to mind except for this one. I started to become much more serious about increasing my miles per week this summer and increasing the lengths of my long runs. As I increased my long runs it became harder to run in Edmonds thanks to all the hills that were absolutely killing me. I’m not kidding – it wasn’t just the resulting shin splints, but the heart attack that was inevitable after running 8 miles and having the entire last mile be up a hill that made crawling seem like my best option.

So I started running the Burke-Gilman trail along Lake Washington, which can be quite crowded, but flat therefore worth it. Not to mention the people watching is always entertaining. Also, some of the houses are insane. I mean there really are some people who have tons of money and NO TASTE.

Annnnyway, this particular day was in August and it was easily over eighty degrees out and about a mile into my run I noticed this man riding his bike down the trail and instead of wearing the usual bicyclist uniform of full on spandex he was wearing jeans and a leather jacket. As he got closer I realized he was shouting something at me and I thought maybe he needs directions…although why anybody would need directions on a trail is beyond me, but I turned down the volume on my ipod and here, word for word, is what he was shouting (I could never forget this – it’s etched forever on my brain):

“Hey, Stupid Lady! You think running will make you a better fucker? It won’t! You’re a horrible fucker!”

And that right there is the most exciting run I have been fortunate enough to experience...although, I keep hoping to run into him again.

It's Pretty Much My Favorite Animal

2009-11-02T14:21:00.000-08:00

I hope everybody had a fabulous weekend. I was quite busy studying for a business law test I have tonight and watching the Hawks get their asses kicked. I didn’t get to go to any rocking Halloween parties because I’m an old lady who doesn’t leave the house if it’s later than eight instead I spent all day at a coffee shop in downtown Edmonds inhaling caffeine and memorizing the different legal defenses for negligence.

While I didn’t get to get all dressed up and go to a fun party (even my Grandpa got to go to a Halloween party!) I was still able to see lots of adorable little kids. Edmonds shuts down Halloween night for kids to trick or treat and just as I was packing up my books a young family came into the coffee shop to get hot cocoas and one of their kids was dressed as a liger. I kid you not. It was the cutest little girl with blond girls and if I didn’t have a shitty camera with a broken phone I would’ve taken a picture. I just thought it was so utterly cool and original that she wasn’t a princess.

I really hope that if I have a little girl one day she doesn’t insist on being a princess. Not like I’m one to talk considering my favorite costume from when I was little was Snow White, but that’s only because I didn’t know Liger was an option.

When I left the coffee shop I could the streets were already full of families and kids ready to start the festivities. It was at that point that I realized that there is no other day in the year that quite makes me want to be a mom as much as Halloween does. I needed a quick fix of a tantrum throwing kid to get me back on track, but, unfortunately, I did not see one screaming kid all night. What are the chances of that? Seriously?

Once I got home Chuckles and I left to go see my nephews and wish Jared a happy birthday. Given the boys’ obsession with Star Wars this was the second year in a row their costumes had a Star Wars theme: Jared was Anakin Skywalker and Matthew was an Ewok. I know I’m prejudiced, but they were pretty damn cute…and funny. Every time Jared posed for a picture he put his hand up, which apparently means he is using the force on you. So that was my overly exciting Halloween, I know you’re oh so jealous. And I have to ask the question I’ve been asking everybody over the last week: what was your favorite costume growing up?

Back Blogging? Maybe?

2009-10-29T15:54:00.000-07:00

So for the first time in a really long time I have actually felt like blogging. I used the excuse over the summer that the formatting is all screwy on my blog and I’m too lazy to try and figure out what’s wrong with it and I’ve been too busy to even think about blogging, but the truth is that I just haven’t felt like it. By the time I quit it had turned into a source of stress – I continued reading most everyone’s blogs, but only commented if it would’ve absolutely killed me if I didn’t.

BUT, ironically, the insanity that is my life lately is what is making me consider blogging again. You see nothing much has happened this summer except, EXCEPT, I got engaged! I know. It’s just too exciting.

The point is I am now working full time, going to school full time, and planning a wedding. Honestly, I’m not complaining, I’m super excited to get married – just ask Chuckles who is probably tired of hearing about just how excited I am…it’s just a lot to take on all at once.

But I was reminded this week when I realized that I wouldn’t have time to meet with any florists for another two months of a blog I came across when I first started blogging. I blogged about this when I first found it, but I don’t think anybody really read it so you’ll just have to deal with me recycling old material because it is much more relevant this time around. This other blog which I couldn’t even link to if I wanted to because I would never be able to find it again was all about how amazing this girl was and how we can all learn SO MUCH from her. She was also going to school in the evenings, working full time, planning a wedding, and AND exercising regularly (she was very very fit).

I am in a very similar situation as Miss Perfect because I have decided to run the Seattle Rock n Roll half marathon next summer so I am trying to run at least four days a week. So, anyway, this girl could do it all AND MORE. I mean she could probably do it all while juggling knives…that are on fire…or something equally difficult.

I, on the other hand, will be grateful if I walk down the aisle with a full head of hair. Really, when it comes right down to it, I think this girl was lying through her teeth about how easy it all was. Either, that, or she was only getting three hours of sleep a night, which is quite unhealthy, but would explain why she sounded so Cuh-razy.

I guess what I’m trying to say here is that girl has lost her marbles. Am I right or am I right?

In other news, there is a restaurant in Seattle that has “bacon fat sautéed candy corn” on its menu – they’re serving it with scallops. If I were honest about what I would do with free time it would be eating dinner at that restaurant, not going for a long run or meeting with florists.

Camping is for losers

2009-04-27T16:39:00.000-07:00

Instead of being a lame ass this past weekend I actually went out with friends Saturday night for drinks. Somehow (God only knows how) the conversation got around to this awesome breakfast place in Marysville. After we had been discussing it for a few minutes Tits McGee turned to me and said, “Wait a minute, didn’t you throw up there?” To which I replied, “Of course – what restaurant haven’t I thrown up in?” No, no, not really…there’s still a few I need to leave my mark on. Tits McGee followed that up with another stellar question: “Why were you throwing up anyways?” At this point I had to ask, “Has it been that long since we’ve hung out? BOOZE, of course. What else could it possibly be?!”

Anyway, the point of this is it lead to a round of nostalgia as to why I will never EVER go camping EVER AGAIN. NEVER. I used to go camping every year with my friends on an Annual Camping Trip dubbed the ACT (we’re very witty people) and I think like most twenty somethings this was really just an excuse to get good and wasted for a whole weekend.

One particular weekend we didn’t have enough tents for everyone so I, extremely wasted at the time, offered to sleep outside. I think I had some romantic notion that it would be nice to sleep under the stars. I was sooo naïve.

The problem with sleeping outside in the oh so wonderful Pacific Northwest is that it rains occasionally, but, no worries, because we had erected a blue tarp to protect us from the dreaded drizzle.

However, we were not prepared for when it rained so hard a puddle formed in the middle of the tarp forcing it to collapse and bring down a bucketful of rain water on my head at 3 o’crotch in the morning. I assure you not the best way to wake a girl with a hangover and at this point I thought to myself, “I don’t fucking give a shit if there’s no room in the goddamn tent they are MAKING room for me.” So I barged in there waking everyone up and pushed everybody over so I could sleep and promptly lay down in a puddle. IN A PUDDLE! A freakin’ puddle had formed on the side of the tent and I flippin’ went for a swim in it.

That was the point at which I stood up and let loose a stream of swear words and sat in the back of Tits McGee’s car until we left to get a greasy breakfast at the restaurant that I threw up in. That, my friends, is why I will NEVER go camping again. NEVER.

Lunch with a side of anti-semitism

2009-04-20T15:03:00.000-07:00

I haven’t had anything of interest to say lately except that I’m feeling a tad burned out, but I sure as hell don’t want to hear me whine so I am pretty sure nobody else does too.

However, I was reminded today of a choice conversation I overheard last week that I would be remiss in keeping to myself. The other day at lunch I was lucky enough to be sitting next to a pair of older ladies and instead of reading my book I stared at it as if it was telling me something extremely important in the hopes that they wouldn’t catch on to the fact that I was listening to their conversation.

Now before you get all Judgy McJudgerson on my ass I assure you that you would have been listening in too. Really the conversation consisted of woman ranting about the state of the world while the other woman nodded and threw in a few “You’re telling me”s for good measure.

Basically, for a good fifteen minutes this woman went on and on about those damn Mexicans and, really, when it comes right down to it, they are the ones that ruined the economy. While we’re on the subject of the economy what is with Prez Obama and flying everywhere on Air Force One? Can you believe how much fuel that costs?

Between him and the damn Mexicans it’s a miracle the economy isn’t completely in the dumps! Oh, and did you see who he hired to be the head of Homeland Security? A JEW!

Yep. At this point it was fairly obvious that I wasn’t reading my book and they left soon after so I didn’t get any more pearls of wisdom to share. My guess is they want on a tour of all the local wineries and then drove home drunk.

On a completely unrelated note, despite his hate for the blogosphere Chuckles is tweeting for his company (@Wilmerco) and everybody should follow him because he really does live up to his name. In fact, I just have to share my favorite one: “Kate's been mistakenly complaining about hot flashes this afternoon. What she means to say is flare-ups.” Sorry, Kate… Also, my friend, Maria, started a blog and she is quite the funny gal so you should check it out.

I don't want to grow up

2009-04-02T15:09:00.001-07:00

Do you know what I really miss about being twenty two years old? Drinking games. Sure, I miss going out and dancing, but really I could still go out if I really wanted to…I just don’t have any friends anymore who want to join me.

Drinking games on the other hand seem immature once you reach a certain age and being a girl who loves her games this distresses me. I mean is there anything better than games that involve drinking – besides donuts of course (that’s a given).

I love making up silly rules and embarrassing people and anybody who’s ever played with me can tell you how much I enjoy yelling at people when they’re playing incorrectly and then forcing them to down their drink immediately.

So I have decided that I want to celebrate my next birthday (Yes, I am already planning it…this year’s was just such a disappointment) by playing multiple rounds of asshole, kings, red/black, really I could go on and on here. I think this will be an apt way of celebrating the beginning of my upper twenties. I know I said that twenty seven is upper twenties, but I was wrong – I’m still in my mid-twenties. Thank God!

Unfortunately, after the last game of Asshole played with my friends ended with Tits McGee storming out because I kept yelling at her to, “Pay attention for god sake!! It is your TURN. Is your drink empty?! WTF?!”

Soooo…I hope people will be willing to give me a second chance, but I’m not making any promises of good behavior. I guess I’m just hoping people will be willing to overlook my competitive nature and my tendency towards verbal assaults when losing and indulge my love for getting crazy drunk while playing cards. At least I’m giving people nine months to mentally prepare.

Cuh-razy

2009-03-09T08:32:00.000-07:00

Life has been overwhelming me lately. School and work and doctor’s appointments have completely overtaken my life and last Friday when the alarm went off at 5:30 in the morning I threw what some might call a hissy fit and started screaming that I just couldn’t, COULD NOT, get out of bed.

Although, I eventually was able to get out of bed, I talked to one of my classmates over email later that day and he was nice enough to point out that things are only going to get harder from here on out. I’m two weeks away from finishing my first year, which I am very excited about, but have realized that this also means that all the easy classes are over. I’m taking two classes this summer instead of just one and next quarter I’m taking a similar load to what I have now.

So what I am getting at is that I felt in order to save my sanity something had to give. School is by far my top priority – I’m spending enough money on it. The thing to give would have to be work. I talked to my boss and am going down to a thirty-two hour work week. I was dreading him saying no because I really didn’t know what my next move would be, but, thankfully, he said yes…even though he sounded unsure about the whole thing.

Basically, though, it will work as long as I can get all my work done. The other rule that I have to follow for this plan to work is to get up at a reasonable time on Fridays. No sleeping in til noon, no more hissy fits about how I just CAN NOT get out of bed. (Although, I really meant it last Friday.)

Anycrapola, I think this might also mean a break from blogging. Who knows what’ll happen though right?!

On a compeletely different note– who do you think would win in a fight between Chuck Norris and a Liger?

My brain feels all warm and fuzzy

2009-02-26T13:53:00.000-08:00

Hi everybody. As it turns out I have a hard time blogging when I’m all hopped up on vicodin. See what happened is Monday morning I left my house to go to work and leaned over to pick up the Wall Street Journal and HOLY SHIT, I have never felt pain like that in my life. I haven’t stood up straight since. Poor Chuckles has been taking very good care of me even when I scream at him, “DON’T DO THAT! FUUUUCCCKKKK, IT HURTS!” But the nice Doctor lady gave me vicodin and I’ve been high ever since. I hope I’ll be back to normal soon. I start physical therapy next week – cross your fingers that it works because I’m already starting to get a little chubby thanks to the fact that I use the pain as an excuse to eat lots of candy and I am not allowed to work out right now.

The Death of Domino

2009-02-19T15:57:00.000-08:00

I know I am not the first person to say this, but I am quite upset about the demise of Domino. It is pretty much the only design magazine that I enjoy reading. It is original and actually has stuff in it that I feel pertain to me as opposed to Richie Rich who has millions of dollars to spend willy nilly.

I have been reading other design mags in an effort to find a worthy replacement and I have several complaints with them. First of all, what’s with all the fruit? One of the suggestions I noticed was to jazz up your mantel by putting a bowl of lemons on it and scattering more lemons around it. I asked my coworker how long lemons last and she said two weeks. Two weeks. I’m not one to waste food so for me to make it worth while to have a mantel covered in lemons I would have to make a lemony dish every day. Do people really have fresh fruit everywhere in their house like these magazines purport?

Same with fresh flowers? Who can afford to constantly buy fresh flowers? I can somewhat understand in the summer when you can go to a farmer’s market and get a bouquet for $5, but even then I’m not going to buy a bouquet for every damn surface in the house and yet in these magazines there is always a vase full of flowers on every flipping table.

I also feel the need to share with you a few other “suggestions” that were absolutely beyond the realm of ridiculous so everybody can share in my indignation. First, there was the $5,000 sculpture that would be perfect for your library. Yes, your library. Oh, you don’t have one? That’s odd because I thought everybody did.

Second, there was the suggestion to add a little color to your kitchen by buying a red kitchen aid mixer, even if you don’t bake it’ll still provide a bright spot in the kitchen and perk up your mood! For the person out there who is buying a kitchen aid mixer just to look at could you pretty please pay for my tuition instead? I promise it’ll go to better use than spending hundreds of dollars on something you’ll never use when instead you could just buy a pretty bowl at Ikea and fill it with oranges. Just shoot me an email and I’ll let you know the amount. You could even send it right to my university so you know it’s not being spent on shoes and booze. Thanks!

Why would I save my refund? I'm American!

2009-02-18T11:28:00.000-08:00

I found out yesterday just how much my tax refund is going to be and since I’m in school it is much bigger than what I have received in the past. Now the question is what do I spend all this money on?! I don’t want to hear all you fuddy duddies (Chuckles) and your stoopid suggestion of, “Why not save it so you can pay off more of your school loans later?” Pooh on you is what I say!

My first thought was to spend it all on almonds. I know I’m weird – no need to inform me in the comments section. The thing is I’m obsessed with these almonds:

I luurrvvee them and I’ve convinced myself that they’re healthy so I can eat them all freakin’ day long. I’m sure that they’re only healthy if I eat a few and not all of them in one day, but I find that life is more enjoyable when I live in denial. So option one is to start a stockpile of roasted almonds.

Option two is the more boring option where I go on a crazy shopping spree. The first order of business would be a watch. I lost my last one and my phone is always dead so I never know what time it is, which probably explains why I’m late to everything. Actually, I’m probably late to everything because I’m like my dad and am convinced that it only takes me twenty minutes to get wherever I’m going and in Seattle that kind of logic implies that I am certifiably crazy. But maybe if I get a watch I’ll be more aware of the fact that even though I think it only took me twenty minutes it, in fact, took over an hour. I am thinking I want this watch:

I kid. I kid. That’s ugly. I was thinking something more along the lines of this:

Or I could get a pair of yellow shoes…I have been dying for a pair for ages.

Or I could just spend it all on porn. The possibilities are endless! What would you buy right now if you could buy anything with no regards to cost?

Worst pickup line EVAH!

2009-02-16T08:39:00.000-08:00

I had several requests for more details regarding the worst pickup line I ever received. Now the back story is somewhat long, but I’ll try to get to the point quickly. As I mentioned the pickup line was delivered by a classmate in college. I had started out as a Chemistry major and then made the switch to Chemical Engineering with the promise of more money when I graduated. I, of course, had no idea going into it that Chemical Engineering students hated Chemistry students…well, actually, they hated anybody that wasn’t chemical engineering because they were “stupid”. Seriously, they even made t-shirts. Needless to say, I was too stupid for anybody to actually take the time to talk to so I was pretty much blackballed in the program. Group projects? I always ended up by myself. They were serious assholes and the leader of the group, we’ll call him “Douchebag” was the worst.

The worst class I had to take while in the program was called Transport Phenomena and I couldn’t even tell you what the hell it was about. By far the professor for that class was the worst professor I have ever had. Nobody else can even compare.

For the first two weeks I couldn’t even tell if she was a man or a woman. In fact, later in the year my roommates and I were out to dinner and she was at the table next to us and when I told my roommate who she was I shit you not her reply was, “That was a WOMAN?!”

Soooo, anyway, the only person whose questions she would answer was Douchebag’s. If I ever asked for help all I got was, “You’re not trying hard enough.” This is also the story of how I became a boozeholic in college.

See how this story never seems to end…sorry about that…so I did have two friends in the program who were graduate students and didn’t get the memo about how they were supposed to give me the silent treatment and we used to sit around and complain about this class non stop, which usually meant joking about how Douchebag HAD to be paying for his A with sexual favors.

One night when we were out drinking and making plenty of inappropriate jokes about the prof, Douchebag, who was at the same bar, sidled up to me having overheard our jokes and whispered in my ear: “I bet she would want to have sex with you…because I really do….want to have sex with you.” Nice. After months of being the BIGGEST ASSHOLE EVER he decides to make the move. Classy. Anyway, I laughed so hard I fell off the bar stool.

It is gooder than good

2009-02-11T09:00:00.000-08:00

I have to tell you how my four year old nephew is a kick. in. the pants. On Saturday after I had a haircut from hell I went to my parents for dinner. As for the haircut, all you have to know is I was at the salon for two and a half hours and ended leaving before she was finished and styling it myself at home. It was tragic.

Anyway, it was a good thing I had fun plans afterwards because I was in one hell of a pissy mood. After I vented to Chuckles, and my mom…and my sister…and my dad I was finally ready to enjoy the delicious homemade lasagna my mom had made. So…right…I didn’t really want to bore you with my whining – I wanted to share the hilarity that is my nephew. (At least I think he’s hilarious…I could be biased though.)

So I sat next to him at dinner, which started with him wanting salad or, more specifically, the crunchy things. LOTS OF CRUNCHY THINGS. Screw the lettuce. Later my dad was trying to get Jared to eat more of his lasagna and Jared was getting tired of it so he told Grandpa that he KNEW the lasagna was good. Sheesh. To which my dad said well you should tell Grandma you like it. So Jared turned to my mom and said, “Grandma it is gooder than good!” The little kiss ass. He knows how to get an extra brownie. My sister had promised him that if he ate enough dinner he could have dessert, which pretty much put him over the moon.

A little later as my sister and I were talking very animatedly about this girl at her high school Jared very loudly announced that he had lots of things he needed to say. Erin told him he had to choose only one thing to say and then he had to go play. Jared took a deep breath and then said, “It is very important that I say that everybody is going to get dessert when they finish dinner and you have to come and tell me IMMEDIATELY when it is time for dessert.” He then got down from the table and started running around the house while singing the same two lines from Mamma Mia over and over and over again:

Mamma Mia, here I go again
My my, how can I resist him?

My new business plan

2009-02-06T09:32:00.000-08:00

I’m sure everybody’s heard of the woman who has 14 children and how she doesn’t have a job and all were conceived through IVF. I’m sure everybody has plenty to say about how “irresponsible” she is and how her doctor is “unethical”.

Blah blah blah is what I say. I, for one, think she is a genius. Last night at my book club one of the members pointed out that this woman probably had these kids in the hope of getting a TV deal and I am very upset that I did not think of this first. I have been wasting my time working hard and going to school at night all in the hopes of one day having a modest career.

Now that I have missed out on this opportunity of getting rich by having fourteen kids I need another angle. Luckily, I have smart friends and they came up with the angle for me. So here’s my plan: I am going to quit school and get pregnant with octuplets, but the key is that I don’t realize it until I’m in labor. Then I will have eight kids and it will be a COMPLETE surprise.

How is this possible you ask? First off it runs in the family. My mom didn’t know she was pregnant with my little brother until she was eight months along and I’ll just tell Oprah how I inherited my mom’s talent for denial.

Second, there is also a history of thyroid problems in my family. In fact, I am pretty much the only one in the fam that hasn’t had a problem with my thyroid yet and that includes the cat. Soooo I’ll just tell Babwa how I thought I put all the weight on because my thyroid wasn’t doing its damn job.

Really I think it’s the best plan I’ve got given the economy. If you promise not to spill my secret plan to the media I’ll let you hang out at the house TLC will surely buy me – we can have Wii competitions and play drinking games while the nanny watches the kids.

I'm jumping on the bandwagon

2009-02-03T14:20:00.000-08:00

I was tagged for that Facebook thingamajig making the rounds and at first I wasn’t going to do it, but I kept thinking about it and, well, I’m going to attempt to come up with twenty five unique things about me. Here goes…

1. In third grade I told a girl everybody hated her on a dare. Kids can be so mean. And by “kids” I mean me.

2. I thought long and hard about what my first confession should be and all I could come up with was that I had lied to my parents about brushing my teeth. Pathetic.

3. Five years ago I got into a drunken conversation in a bar bathroom with a random girl about the best way to diet and convinced her to order her wedding dress five sizes too small because if I was able to lose that much weight than surely she could! I’ve never lost any weight in my life.

4. Once I called in to work sick and I wasn’t really sick.

5. I’ve been pulled over five times, but I’ve only gotten one ticket. I’m very adept at crying my way out of things. The only reason I got one ticket is because Chuckles was in the car and told me not to be a pansy ass.

6. I tell waitresses that I am deathly allergic to tomatoes because I don’t want my food going anywhere near them. I have a passionate hatred for all food that is red. Unless, of course, it’s artificially red, as in licorice.

7. I told a coworker once that I had read The Lovely Bones. I hadn’t, but I can’t ruin my reputation of being an avid reader.

8. I’ve been known to lie and tell people I already have plans in order to avoid going out. I’m quite the homebody. If you’re reading this and think I lied to you I assure you I’m talking about someone else.

9. I told my parents I had the flu on my twenty-second birthday. I was really just hungover. I still don’t know if they fell for it or not.

10. I told my nephew I killed batman. I promise it’s not what you think. He was frightened of Batman, don’t ask me why, but it was the only way to convince him it was safe to fall asleep.

11. I skipped my first period class in high school at least once a week. I managed this because I was the “secretary” and kept attendance so I just made sure my absences stayed below the maximum allowed.

12. I also skipped every assembly. I am such a nerd...I would hide in one of the practice rooms with a girlfriend and we would just gossip and by “gossip” I mean study.

13. My first job was at a bakery. We would “accidentally” break cookies so we could eat them. I gained fifteen pounds that year.

14. I told a friend she looked cute once when I didn’t really think so. But it was too late to change outfits and I didn’t want her to feel self conscious all night.

15. I lied about my weight AND my height on my driver’s license.

16. I received a truly horrendous nightgown for Christmas one year and I said I liked it. I’m not sure what ever happened to it…I probably hid it in a roommate’s closet and made them deal with it.

17. I HATE moving and as a result I always end up throwing away most of my possessions mid move. In college this meant throwing out all my winter coats and seriously regretting that decision six months later. Two years ago it meant throwing out my senior year yearbook. I feel like I should regret that more than I do.

18. My mom lost one of her Michael Buble CD’s and was convinced that I had borrowed it and I swore I didn’t. She bought a new one. I found it a year later while moving.

19. I am willing to dress horribly for six months and put my current wardrobe in storage if somebody is willing to nominate me for What Not To Wear. Any takers?

20. If I had any balls I would’ve backpacked around Europe after I graduated, but I didn’t and maybe that’s for the best because I might not have met Chuckles and he’s the best part of my life.

21. It’s my life ambition to be on Jeopardy one day and Shelly, who was on in November, told me that you have to have three stories when you audition and I have NOTHING. So I plan on stealing other people’s stories. First story? I took sex ed from my future father in law. Granted this doesn’t work for me right now because I’m not married, but Alex doesn’t need to know that.

22. My brother told me what my birthday present was one year and my “surprise” when I opened it was the worst performance ever.

23. The worst pickup line ever used on me was by a classmate who was very drunk at the time and the next day I told everybody in our program what he said. He deserved it.

24. My college roomies and I used to think it was hilarious to give each other back handed compliments. As in: Those pants are amazing! Your ass doesn’t look nearly as big as it really is. I wish they were here and not in Alaska and Texas of all places. Who lives in Alaska anyways? Who?!

25. I really want to be a mom. I know I have to wait til I graduate from grad school, but I am getting VERY IMPATIENT. Stupid stupid school. I don’t know why I feel this need to make something of myself.

How I Got My Kitchen Aid Mixer

2009-01-30T10:11:00.000-08:00

I have to say my mom is pretty cool and I’m not just saying that because I am pretty much an exact replication of my mom. I say it because she makes horrible bets and as a result I’ve gotten a lot of free stuff.

I’m not the only she makes bets with; in fact I’m pretty sure that it is her favorite pastime. For example, when I was away at college and my younger brother was still at home for some unknown reason they got into a discussion about how many times I had braces growing up: little bro said twice and my mom said, “Only once, are you kidding me?! I think I would remember shelling out that kind of dough!” Of course, a bet had to be made as to who was right and I was promptly called and asked the question. No “How are you?” “How’s college treating you?” Just, “How many times did you have braces?” Not even a goodbye. Anyway, the answer was twice. Yes, I had terrible terrible teeth. So my brother got new bedding while my mom went to the orthodontist and demanded that after all the money they’ve received from our family there should at least be a chair in the lobby dedicated to our family.

Two years ago I went on vacation with her to the Oregon coast and did not buy one thing for myself. Every game of cribbage or cards played was with the caveat that loser pays for breakfast or loser pays for coffee etc. etc. Like I said I received a LOT of free meals.

But by far the best bet I made was, alas, my last because my dad finally told her she had to stop because he was tired of buying all this free stuff for me…that and I almost had her hooked for a free computer twenty minutes later and he just couldn’t let that happen.

It occurred right after I moved into my Green Lake apartment and was whining constantly about how I didn’t have a kitchen aid mixer. I mean, how was I supposed to bake cookies?! How does one LIVE without a kitchen aid mixer?! My live was incomplete without one! I couldn’t sleep at night!

So, anyway, one day my parents, big sis, and nephew joined me on a walk around the lake and lunch at a local restaurant. At lunch my mom ordered calamari and when it came my sister, mom, and I dug into the rings but only my dad would eat the squid. I, by far, was the most grossed out by the squid with their little heads and would look at my dad in pure disgust every time he nonchalantly popped one in his mouth. My mom, of course, was curious as to what my price would be - as in just how much would it take to get me to eat one of those things. The perfect situation for a bet. At first it was hypothetical with my mom simply asking, “If you were to get a free yellow kitchen aid mixer would you eat the calamari?” Of course, I replied saying there was no way for me to know without the offer actually being on the table and, well, her curiosity got the better of her and a concrete offer was made. It did take me a good forty-five minutes to grow a pair and eat the damn squid and we had to tell the waitress multiple times do NOT take the plate away. I really have my sister to thank for finally saying to me, “Just eat it for the love of all things holy! It’s a free kitchen aid mixer! I can’t even look at you right now. You disgust me.” It was just the push I needed. A week later my parents showed up at my apartment with a kitchen aid mixer wrapped in squid recipes.

Hear Me Out

2009-01-28T09:52:00.000-08:00

I have an issue with some bloggers. (None of you of course). Specifically, people who portray themselves as perfect, people who don’t let any of their personal flaws onto their blogs. Seriously, come on people – nobody’s perfect! Isn’t the whole allure of blogging to connect with people and what better way to connect than through our inadequacies?

I notice these people tend to have theme blogs; for example: cooking or designing. There are a couple cooking blogs that I read and enjoy, but for the most part after reading a typical cooking blog I just leave feeling fat and like a failure simply because I don’t always use organic ingredients or because I didn’t get up an hour early to make myself an extra healthy and filling breakfast. Of course, I don’t read these blogs because I’m not masochistic, but the point I’m trying to make here is there’s room out there for more down to earth cooking blogs.

Soooo, what I’m trying to get at here is I should start a cooking blog. It would be in the format of a cooking show and it would be a half hour of me running around the kitchen digging through drawers cursing because I can’t find the right pan, drinking wine straight out of the bottle, and yelling at nobody in particular because I forgot to turn the oven on after I put the potatoes in. Go ahead. Try and tell me this isn’t the best idea you’ve ever heard. YOU CAN’T!

People would watch and think to themselves, “Man, if this girl can get dinner on the table I could probably cook a five course gourmet feast!” And they would be right. It would boost everybody’s self esteem.

Designing blogs also tend to grind my gears because they act like it all came together so easily and I haven’t seen that many that offer solutions for small rooms and or any that have good ideas for people who aren’t rolling in the dough. Of course, there are some good ones out there, but as I said before there’s room for more practical ones. I mean, really, shouldn’t the practical blogs outnumber the “Look how great I am and you will never be as cool as me” blogs?

So. I should also start a designing blog. I think the format would be pictures of different rooms with mismatched furniture and clutter everywhere and I would write rambling discussions about how I can’t decide what to do with the room resulting in absolutely nothing getting done. People would just shake their heads and say, “well, at least I am not as much as a mess as that girl.” Once again, raising people’s self esteem. The blog’s tagline could be, “Feeling bad about yourself? Grab yourself a drink and kick back because you’ve come to the right place.” It’s a bit long for a tagline, but you get the idea.

I wish I could hibernate

2009-01-26T13:45:00.000-08:00

I am glad to report that I am in a better mood this morning – I know that’s all you guys could think about this weekend. However, I don’t think it was Ikea that improved my mood I think it was all the sleep I got. I went to bed early Friday night (I have such a busy social life) and stayed in bed until about noon Saturday morning. I know I should feel guilty about that because I “wasted my day” and all that jazz, but I REFUSE! I quite enjoy my sleep and I haven’t been getting nearly enough and I am such a happier person when I get my much needed twelve hours of sleep.

Ikea was nice even though afterwards I started to feel bad about the appalling amount of money I spent. We had gone intending to get a new TV stand. Chuckles just bought a new TV that dwarfs our old TV stand, making the whole thing look somewhat ridiculous. Unfortunately, we didn’t find a TV stand that we liked, but I found a couple footstools I liked that we set up as a kind of bench in the living room. We needed more sitting, but there isn’t room for an actual chair so the “bench” works as an alternative.

Also, I found dining room chairs that I liked and other miscellaneous stuff. Since I just recently bought a new SLR camera I really need to stop spending money for a while. It’s just that once I start I can’t stop!

This might end up like that time in college when I had to freeze my debit card in a bag full of water that way any time I needed to use it I had to defrost it for a day with the ending result being that I didn’t make any impulsive purchases.

Anyway, I really have to share what I saw as I was waiting in the loading zone for Chuckles. It was a young girl wearing flip flops with leg warmers that had pom poms on them with a bleached denim mini skirt with spandex shorts underneath. So I understand that leg warmers are making a comeback, but I am pretty positive that you shouldn’t be wearing them with flip flops and I sure as hell wouldn’t go with multiple trends from the eighties in one outfit. All she needed to finish the whole thing would be Day-Glo colored top. I tried to take a picture, but I’m too slow and couldn’t get my camera out of my purse fast enough. You’ll just have to trust me when I say she looked ridiculous.

Sorry, but I have to let the anger out

2009-01-23T10:53:00.000-08:00

I’m so tired you guys. So. very. tired. I know it is Friday and that should be enough to wake me up and get me through the day, but I have a group meeting tonight and that is the LAST thing I want to be doing on a Friday night.

I know that I will be incapable of being productive today and that will make it just crawl by. Really, though, I have spent this entire week doing miscellaneous projects to help out coworkers and every time I have a question it completely stalls the whole thing and I have to wait for the question to be answered before I can continue. Anyway, it is making work just crawl by, which is partially why I am being so negative this week, but what I really want to talk about today is selfish people and how they have been driving me NUTS lately.

First, Wednesday night it was The Enemy. At school there is a limited amount of seating for people that get to campus early, which isn’t usually a problem for me because I get there early in the hopes of getting a good parking spot. This week when I arrived an hour early during which I planned on enjoying my book I walked up to the classroom where there are two couches outside for people where The Enemy had camped out spreading her stuff over all of the couches leaving no room for anybody else to sit forcing everyone else to sit on the floor or stand. Thoughtful of her huh?

In her defense she wasn’t the only person doing this – there were other couches where people had sat down and proceeded to take up multiple seats by spreading their schoolwork out around them. But what really grinds my gears here is that there are tables for that stuff. They obviously don’t want people to sit next to them and are simply being selfish and thoughtless.

Honestly, I would have said something, but I saw somebody I knew and just sat down on the floor next to them. On a completely unrelated note, she misunderstood “quarterly” in class and was convinced that there were four months in a quarter and arguments that that would make a 16 month year did not faze her.

Also selfish are people who decide too late that they need to change lanes, but they can’t get over so they stop until somebody lets them in and causes a traffic jam in the process. Instead, they should just turn around at the next light, but, noooooo, instead, they are lazy and insist on causing a huge backup regardless that it would probably be faster if they just turned around.

Also selfish are people who stop to talk in the middle of the teeny tiny grocery aisles of Trader Joe’s and block my access to the pita chips. Try being aware of the people around you.

I think it is apparent from this rant what kind of mood I’m in this week. Hopefully, it will turn around this weekend – we are going to Ikea tomorrow. Ikea will either completely overwhelm me with all the possibilities or I’ll just be so happy that I’m not at work or studying that I won’t give a shit – let’s all cross our fingers for option number 2.

I swear I'm not trying to kill kitty cat

2009-01-21T12:01:00.000-08:00

As some of you know I am not what you would call a “fan” of Chuckles’ cat, Poopsicle. In fact, Chuckles has threatened to have an autopsy done when Poopsicle kicks the bucket because he alreadys suspects me of plotting her death. But I always try to be nice to her and if not nice at least tolerant, but, as of this morning, Poopsicle is officially scared of me.

At first I felt bad about this, but now I think it’s not such a bad thing; maybe now she’ll stop drooling on me or rubbing her face against my glasses (supposedly to itch a hard to reach spot, but I think she’s just trying to annoy the hell out of me…and succeeding).

I think she first started to be fearful of me when I was making a pesto sauce last night and she was in the utility room, which is right next to the kitchen, and I started the blender every time she tried to leave the utility room, which would cause her to run and hide every time. I swear I wasn’t doing it on purpose, but she started to become very suspicious of me.

Then this morning when I was in a huge hurry because I was running very late she ran right in front of me and I stepped right on top of her. After hissing at me she spent the rest of the morning hiding behind the washer and dryer. Believe me when I say this is quite unusual because usually she won’t let anything get in the way of her begging for more food.

Anyway, I really hope that when I get home tonight she continues to hide behind the washer instead of running around me and whining while I do yoga, which, in fact, does bring out murderous tendencies that will inevitably be directed towards her.

The Thing About Life is That One Day You'll Be Dead

2009-01-19T10:42:00.000-08:00

I just finished reading the book The Thing About Life Is That One Day You’ll Be Dead by David Shields. Sounds uplifting doesn’t it? The book starts out with babies and discussing their development and continues on through adolescence and so on through old age.

Initially, I found the book interesting, that is until I got to the part of the book that talks about how it is all downhill once you reach the age of thirty, at that point I started to freak out a little bit. So, essentially, I’m at the top of my game right now physically that is. Apparently, my IQ started descending five years ago. I’m really not happy that things are going downhill considering that I’m not happy with where they are.

I have never really thought too long and hard about what aging entails, but this book forced me to…unfortunately. Never before have I examined my head looking for my first gray hair, but now that I know that it is nothing short of miraculous that I’ve made it this long without any grays I can’t stop looking. Now I understand what my cousin, who’s only twenty-nine, meant when she said she is paranoid about getting wrinkles and applies massive amounts of anti-aging cream every night.

I’m sure this paranoia is only a phase and within a week I’ll have forgotten that my body is slowly falling apart, but I haven’t forgotten yet and hopefully the small changes I’ve made will stick with me. For example, when I went to the grocery store yesterday I bought (you aren’t going to believe this) Wheat Bread! I know it’s unheard of. I always swore up and down that white bread would be the last thing that I would give up. But, not only did I buy wheat bread, but I made healthy muffins last night. They are apple pecan and I was a bit suspicious considering the lack of sugar and butter and the use of whole wheat flour, but they are damn good!

Maybe this whole eating healthy thing isn’t so bad. I’m gonna give it a little test drive this week. I also did a new ab workout on Saturday and all day Sunday I was walking around like an old lady – it was pathetic. Now my motivation for working out isn’t to rock a bikini in the summer, instead it is in an attempt to age gracefully and not walk around like an old lady and have strange people derisively call me Grandma (and by strange people I mean Chuckles).

Here’s the recipe for the muffins if anyone else is as afraid as I am of their body decaying:

Apple Pecan Muffins

Ingredients:

· Cooking spray (or cupcake liners, which I used)
· ¾ cup plus 2 T packed brown sugar
· ¼ cup chopped pecans
· ½ t ground cinnamon
· 1 cup all-purpose flour
· 1 cup whole-wheat pastry flour
· 1 t baking soda
· ½ t salt
· ¼ cup canola oil
· 2 large eggs
· 1 cup natural applesauce
· 1 t vanilla extract
· ¾ cup lowfat buttermilk
· 1 Golden Delicious apple, peeled, cored and cut into ¼-inch pieces (which I labeled on my grocery list as GD apple causing me later to wonder why I referred to the apple as “God damn”. I’m smart.)

Directions:

Preheat oven to 400 degrees F. Coat a 12-capacity muffin pan with cooking spray. In a small bowl, mix together 2 tablespoons of the brown sugar, the pecans, and cinnamon. Set aside. In a medium bowl, whisk together the all-purpose and whole-wheat flour, baking soda and salt. In a large bowl, whisk the remaining ¾ cup sugar and oil until combined. Add the eggs, 1 at a time, whisking well after each addition. Whisk in the applesauce and vanilla. Whisk in the flour mixture in 2 batches, alternating with the buttermilk. Whisk just until combined. Gently stir in the apple chunks. Pour the batter into the prepared muffin pan and sprinkle with the pecan mixture. Tap the pan on the counter a few times to remove any air bubbles. Bake for 20 minutes or until a toothpick inserted in center of 1 of the muffins comes out clean. Let cool on a wire rack for 15 minutes. Run a knife around the muffins to loosen them and unmold. Cool completely on the rack. I found that this made more than 12 muffins – I filled the tin too much, but it probably should have made 18 muffins.

What is with the outhouse?

2009-01-15T08:34:00.000-08:00

Usually I’m not a fan of running on the track, but lately I have been jogging on the track in Edmonds partially because of all the snow in December and I got a fancy schmancy running watch for Christmas and it’s been easier to test it out on the track.

There are some distinct advantages to using the track though and it really isn’t as tedious as I thought it would be. First of all, there are no hills and no matter how many different routes I have tried in Edmonds there is absolutely no avoiding crazy hills.

But even better than that is the people watching. Usually there are only one or two other people on the track, but they never fail to be interesting. Last Thursday when I went there was some guy running and the entire time he carried on a conversation over his cell phone. That in and of itself is weird if you ask me, but that might be because I am one of those people who is incapable of carrying on a conversation during any sort of strenuous activity, anyway, if you had assumed that the conversation was over a Bluetooth you’d be wrong – he held the cell phone the entire time. Also, he was such a loud talker I could hear him when he was on the other side of the track over my music. So he pretty much ran two miles while yelling into a cell phone. That’s weird right? He also took a break halfway through to use the outhouse…and didn’t pause the conversation. Yes, he was talking so loud I could hear him when I ran by the outhouse…I guess he could have been talking to himself, but my guess is no.

Strangely enough on Sunday morning another jogger took a break to use the outhouse and all I have to say about that is how bad do you possibly have to go when you’re only running for ten minutes and you live down the street? No, I am not stalking fellow runners I just saw him leave his house because he lived so close to the track.

There also happens to be a skate park next to the track and Sunday morning there were a bunch of little punks hanging out there and one of them was the miniature version of Turtle from Entourage. Seriously, Turtle has a little brother and he lives in Edmonds.

I guess I should also explain The Enemy as there were so many questions about her. Technically, she has never really done anything to me it’s just that she annoys the hell out of me. At first I couldn’t really say exactly what it was about her that exasperated me so much, but I figured it out last night. She’s loud. Now, I don’t want you to get the idea that all loud people infuriate me, in fact, I, myself, tend to be loud, especially when I get excited or drunk and my voice goes up by about ten decibels and I get groups kicked out of campgrounds. But The Enemy is not loud in an “I’m unaware that I’m being loud” way or an “I just have a booming voice” way, she is loud in an I want everybody within 100 feet of me to hear about how cool I am. In my first class in my graduate program I had to sit right next to her and I spent four months trying desperately to block out the sound of her voice and her constant, CONSTANT, talk about her FABULOUS wedding and her FABULOUS job and HOW CUTE ARE HER SHOES?! Not cute, not cute at all. Oh, and unsolicited advice is also her specialty. You see she’s a know it all. See, now you’ve got me started. If I don't stop now this will turn into a ten page rant.

My Bad

2009-01-08T09:00:00.000-08:00

Remember on Tuesday when I selfishly wished it would rain so I wouldn’t have to run? Well my wish was granted to say the least. I think what they said on the radio this morning was that there is “catastrophic flooding” in areas.

Although, I would like to say that I don’t think the blame should be placed solely on me because I know that I wasn’t the only one wishing for rain – after that crazy snow storm that’s all anybody was saying: “Oh, why won’t it rain?!” “I wish this infernal snow would stop and we could go back to good old-fashioned Seattle rain.” See? This isn’t all my fault.

Plus, I have to say it’s better than the snow, sure, they had to evacuate more than 30,000 people and some people aren’t able to get home because there’re so many flooded roads, but I’m not trapped at home and that’s what really matters here.

Also, in completely unrelated news, the ENEMY IS BACK! Yes, the original enemy. I realize that there are some of you that might be lost at the moment because, unfortunately for you, I’m a dimwit and deleted all the entries from last spring about the ENEMY, but no need to fret because I’m sure I’ll have plenty more stories to share about how passionately I hate her. Hate actually might not be the right word because I was truly delighted when I saw we had a class together. However, my delight might have been derived from the fact that she was late to class and there were no seats left so she had to sit for three hours in the windowsill. HAHAHA!!! I laughed. At her expense. Good times.

Happy New Year!

2009-01-06T11:11:00.000-08:00

I have never been one to make resolutions – mostly because I don’t really enjoy failing at things. I have only made one successful resolution in the past and that was to try something new every month. I could repeat that resolution, but I can’t think of twelve new things that I really want to try. Anyway, my point is resolutions aren’t really my shtick – I usually can’t even stick to them for a day so a year is out of the question.

This year I decided to attempt to make some resolutions and I figured the trick to being successful at keeping them was to be super specific. My first resolution is to be more healthy, specifically by following the training schedule I printed off from Runner’s world, which means running every Tuesday, Thursday, and Sunday and cross-training with yoga. I also specified only three excuses that were valid for me missing my workouts: 1. I have a test or project due that week, 2. Family emergency, and 3. I feel nauseous. Of course, on Sunday I really didn’t feel like running so instead I pretended I was nauseous – see how well that works! But I haven’t given up – I will run today and from now on NO EXCUSES! Actually, I just thought of a fourth excuse – I really can’t run if the weather isn’t permitting aka no running in snow or thunderstorms, but other than that I HAVE to run. HAVE TO. Do you hear that Megan?! You HAVE to run today. Man, I hope it starts raining…

I also might give up soda at some point this year, but I wouldn’t get my hopes up if I were you – that stuff is like crack cocaine to me. Seriously, if for some horrific reason Diet Cherry Pepsi was made illegal tomorrow I would be out on the streets giving blow jobs in an attempt to get my fix. So, yeah, I’d like to think in six months I would be willing to give it up, but I’m really not that optimistic about it.

My second resolution is to be more organized this year. I am quite scatterbrained, which makes everything I do a giant fiasco. My room, car, office all constantly look like they have been recently torn apart by a hurricane. So. I need to fix this, but given my complete lack of focus this is difficult. My plan so far is write everything down in my date book and I mean everything. For example, today I wrote down “Cook dinner” and I followed that up with exactly what I’m cooking because, you never know, it’s not beyond the realm of possibility that I would get home and absentmindedly turn on the TV only to discover there’s a Law and Order marathon on and next thing you know it’s 11 o’crotch and I haven’t moved from the couch or it’s possible that I would plan on making biscuits, but then absentmindedly start boiling water for no apparent reason. So obviously I need everything written down since my brain is never focused on what I am actually doing. While I’m at it I should probably schedule in sleeping because this whole surviving on six hours of sleep doesn’t really work for me – I mean yesterday I got on the freeway and had gone a couple exits before I registered that I was going north when I really needed to be going south – see? Scatterbrained.

My third resolution is more of a fun resolution: to be more adventurous with my style. I spend a fair amount of time (and by “fair” I mean ridiculous) perusing fashion mags and fashion blogs like The Sartorialist and Garance Dore and yet my style is way too conservative. I am just so much of a pussy I always go with the safe outfit, but this year will be different. This year I plan on wearing outfits that are “Sartorialist worthy”. Basically my goal is to try more daring and different combinations. Sooo those are my resolutions for 2009 feel free to take bets at how long it will take for me to fail.

Smell it!

2008-12-31T07:35:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I was surprised at work by Chuckles accompanied by my big sis and my two nephews for lunch! Totally made my day. We went to a nearby brewery where we proceeded to laugh it up at Matthew’s silly faces and grunts. Seriously, those kids never ever cry – it’s so unfair because that can only mean that one day when I have kids they will be the spawn of Beelzebub, but that’s another story for another day.

Jared, who’s four, was eating extremely slowly, even slower than me, which, I assure you, is no small feat. Considering I did have to get back to work I tried to make it into a game with him in an attempt to speed it up. I informed him that I was totally going to finish eating before him to which he scoffed, “Yeah, right, you have like waaaayyy more food on your plate.” Since he didn’t fall for that one…I tried another tactic:

Me: “My bites are sooooo much bigger than yours.”

Jared: “Yeah? Well, I can take super tiny bites. So there!”

He did not fall for any of my tricks what he did fall for though was his mom saying he wouldn’t get any Oreos if he didn’t hurry up and eat his sandwich. Note to self: Bribery always works.

On the way home I sat between the two car seats thereby giving me the perfect position to have a serious conversation with Jared. He had his mitten with him and demanded that I smell the inside of it:

Jared: “Smell it!”

Me: “No, YOU smell it!”

Jared: “No, YOU!”

Me: “YOU!” (I often revert to childish behavior when I am around Jared, we could go on forever like this.)

To my surprise Jared gave in quickly and sniffed the inside of his mitten and announced to the whole car, “It smells GREAT!”

Me: “I have a really hard time believing that…”

Jared: “It does. Smell it. NOW. Smell it. Do it.”

Well, I can’t stand up to that kind of peer pressure so I had to smell it. After I gave it a quick sniff Jared quite eagerly inquired, “Do you like it?” Strange kid I know, but I have to admit it wasn’t so bad.

Are your minds as dirty as mine is?

2008-12-29T16:07:00.000-08:00

Thankfully, the snow if finally melting around here and I am able to get around with out getting stuck any time I stray from the main roads. Unfortunately, this snow has meant that I have had to dress “practically” ever since I got back from vacation.

I am not very good at this whole “practical” thing. For example, two years ago I flew to Boston to visit my best friend and celebrate St. Patrick’s day in true Boston fashion and all I brought with me footwear wise was two pairs of high heels and NO socks and it was blizzard conditions when I flew in. Of course, I solved this by buying festive pair of socks with shamrocks to wear with my heels.

What I’m getting at is that I have been dying to wear something other than my stupid tennis shoes (I don’t own appropriate snow boots) and I had finally had it on Christmas Eve. I informed Chuckles that I wasn’t going to let this God. Damn. weather control my life and I was going to wear my cute new booties on Christmas.

Aren’t they cute?! No matter because Chuckles said that he would not spend Christmas with me if I insisted on being a fool and trying my best to break a leg. Also, he said I would have to go to my parents by myself and when they asked where he was I would have to inform them that he refused to join me since I insisted on wearing heels then who would be the FOOL?! I would. Of course, it became a moot point when we woke up to even more snow Christmas morning. I have yet to wear my darling new shoes. Tragic, I know.

The other tragedy was that I got a new game for my birthday called Dirty Minds (I have no idea why anybody would think of me when they see a game called Dirty Minds) and at first I had decided to bring it over for Christmas to test it out…and then I opened it and saw some example questions. Here’s one so you get an idea of what it is. You get three clues and the answer is always clean:

You stick your poles in me.

You tie me down to get me up.

I get wet before you do.

Answer: TENT

After reading some of these I decided I might not be comfortable playing this with my mom and dad. But I can play with you guys!! So here are some for you all to guess what the answer is

I’m a four letter word.

I’m a name for a woman

I end in u-n-t.

If you think the answer is the C-word then you are a dirty dirty birdie.

I get laid in an alley.

I often end up in the middle of your split.

When you slip your fingers in me, I’m ready to roll.

Does anybody have any guesses?

Were you worried?

2008-12-23T15:13:00.000-08:00

I’m back internets!! We have so much catching up to do. I promise I have a good excuse for my absence and I apologize if your uncontrollable sobbing is annoying those around you – it can stop now because I’m back! I was absent last week for a much needed vacay.

Chuckles and I went down to the Oregon coast, which was just lovely, freezing, but lovely. We pretty much had the town to ourselves…and we ate ourselves into a food coma. We also watched the Seattle news every day keeping our fingers crossed that we were missing the worst of it. Unfortunately, on the day we were supposed to leave we woke up to three inches of snow on the beach. ON THE BEACH. When does that ever happen?!

As we were checking out another guest came in the inn and informed us that if we were intending to use 101 on our way out of town not to bother because they had closed it. Well, 101 just happens to be the only road out of town, so, YES, we were planning on taking it. Just for shits and giggles we decided to drive into town and see if we could wait it out…but we couldn’t really make it out of the parking lot. So we turned around and waited an hour and tried again.

We only had to make it eight miles to Seaside where we could get chains and it would be easy going from there…except Seaside was sold out of chains. No worries though, we made it home without incident; that is if you don’t count the crazy lady at Les Schwab in Seaside screaming at anybody who listen, “I HAVE TO OPEN A STORE IN CANNON BEACH! I HAVE LIVED HERE 30 YEARS AND THIS HAS NEVER HAPPENED BEFORE! I CAN’T AFFORD NEW TIRES! DOES IT LOOK LIKE I’M MADE OF MONEY?!” Yep, crazy.

Anyway, that is why I have been absent from the blogging world, that and last weekend I was busy being the champion of my fantasy football league. That’s right – CHAMPION.

Oh, plus all this God. Damn. Snow has me leaving the house as little as possible and with another snow storm coming tonight I doubt I’ll be in the office any time soon and when I’m stuck at home instead of blogging I read vampire books. It’s not that you guys aren’t entertaining, you are, it’s just that, well, you aren’t vampires…at least not to my knowledge.

Oh, and thanks for all the birthday wishes! My birthday was fine despite being stuck in the house for the most part. I did yell at Chuckles till he agreed to drive me to my parents for dinner and then when he got mad at me I told him that was forbidden on my birthday. I think he really enjoyed it.

Join in my pity party

2008-12-11T11:23:00.000-08:00

I came to a realization yesterday – I hate my birthday. To be more exact I hate the actual date, I would love my birthday if it was on any other day. My birthday is four days before Christmas and it doesn’t help that my brother’s is the day after Christmas.

In the past I have always swore up and down that it in no way bothered me that I had a birthday so close to Christmas, but the fact of the matter is I was in deep denial.

Even on my 21st birthday I claimed not to be upset about it despite the fact that instead of spending it getting drunk with a gaggle of my friends I was stuck taking a physical chemistry final at 7 o’crotch on the Friday night of finals week and all but two of my friends had all gone home for the holidays. Although, I did manage to thoroughly embarrass myself at my family dinner the next night, but that’s a story for another time.

I can literally count on one hand the number of enjoyable birthdays I’ve had since I’ve grown up and stopped asking for dolls every year. The problem is everybody always has plans or are just too busy to worship me for a night.

I wouldn’t mind so much if I didn’t absolutely LOVE my birthday! I love being the center of attention and getting free drinks and really any excuse to get my groove on. Is that so wrong?

This year my best friend will still be in bean town and I have a horrible feeling that everybody else already has plans. I’m tempted to stay home and pout, but instead I think I’ll man up and force my sister to watch every Christmas movie ever made with me (I haven’t told her of this plan yet, but the way I see it is it’s my birthday and people have to do what I tell them). Plus maybe that’s a better idea than making a spectacle of myself on the dance floor anyways. Meanwhile I’m buying myself a purty new dress to cheer me up.

The More You Know

2008-12-09T09:02:00.000-08:00

I have a message for the snotty girl in my accounting class who thinks she’s all that. Don’t ever EVER wear boots over baggy jeans. If you are going to wear boots over jeans they have to be SKINNY. Also, while we’re on the subject, they should be knee high boots not tight mid calf boots. If you insist on wearing mid calf boots over your jeans that at least make them slouchy boots. I would also like to request that when you walk by me to go get your nasty soup that makes the entire room stink that you don’t give me that up and down stare like I’m the freak show here. I will have you know that my lace tights are quite stylish and I have gotten many compliments on them. Oh, and just one last thing, stop wearing scrunchies.

I am a Scrabble God! Bow down.

2008-12-04T14:08:00.000-08:00

I am on a roll! Yesterday Chuckles told me that it is not polite to talk about how smart I am, but I figure this is my blog and I can do whatever the hell I want on it and today I want to talk about how smart I am. If you don’t like it you can suck it! HA!

I bring this up because I came to the realization yesterday that I am unbeatable at Scrabble. Unbeatable. In other words, I am a Scrabble God. Chuckles kindly pointed out that he has defeated me before, but I have honed my skills and, well, I’ve just gotten so good that I almost feel bad for my opponents. The key word there is almost. I continue to be a horrible winner and gloat.

Not only am I kicking ass at Scrabble, but I am also kicking butt on my marketing project. Remember how I was being a whiny bitch a couple months back because I had this long project and I was all nervous about my group? Of course you remember. Silly me. Well, I won’t go into to many details about the project because I don’t want to bore you to death, but, in the end, the only thing that matters is who has the highest stock price. At this point nobody can come close to catching us. Do you see now how I’m a genius? Well, that and I managed to get a cool group. Also, that guy that was driving me NUTSO is doing horribly. It makes me laugh. Who knew class could actually be fun?

Also, my fantasy football team made a miraculous comeback thanks to Matt Cassel and Steve Slaton and I’m in the playoffs! YAY! I just have to beat my little bro this weekend to stay in. Keep your fingers crossed!

Thanksgiving

2008-12-02T11:27:00.000-08:00

I’m a bit late with my Thanksgiving post, but I was really busy yesterday. Really I was just busy stressing out as opposed to actually crossing anything off my to do list, but what’s new?! Haha, I’m a stressball. Yay! Fun times.

Anyway, I had a rather uneventful Thanksgiving, which was quite relaxing. It was just the usual: sitting around watching the Seahawks lose, drinking wine, laughing at my nephews, eating a lot, and regretting not wearing a more forgiving dress.

It was a nice change from the previous Thanksgiving, which was fun – don’t get me wrong! There was just a slight problem with the dessert. A week prior to Thanksgiving my mom had to have surgery on her back, surgery that meant that for the next couple months or so she wasn’t allowed to move her neck. Meaning my dad, big sis, and I were in charge of the Thanksgiving feast. My dad was in charge of the turkey and stuffing and my sister and I did the sides and we each made a dessert.

Oh, and did I mention my parents had just finished remodeling their kitchen? With a new fancy oven? Well, they did. (Ultimately, this will be a lame story because it takes too long to explain the back story, but I won’t let that stop me!)

Soooo, my sis made a chocolate pie and I made an apple crostata that according to the recipe HAD to be served right out of the oven. So my plan was to put it in the oven after dinner and it being ready would surely coincide with everybody being ready to eat dessert. Of course, my plans did not incorporate a three year old boy who wanted his chocolate pie RIGHT NOW DAMNIT! As a result, my sister and I would alternate looking into the oven to see if the crostata was ready.

Unfortunately, the fancy new oven had this weird touch screen thing and the oven light was stubborn and you had to press really hard on it AND it was right next to the oven cleaner button. So, someone, I won’t name names, but I will tell you that her initials are E.M. and she is quite fond of bossing me around and has an unnatural fear of E.T., pressed the oven cleaner button. This caused the door to self lock and the temperature of the oven to skyrocket. We did manage to get the crostata out of the oven before it burnt, but, unfortunately, it tasted a lot like what I imagine chemicals taste like. Yummy.

This year I just brought the salad (much easier) and I made sure not to tell anyone that the impatient four year old boy ate half of a walnut and then spit it out in the salad proclaiming it “yucky” until after everybody had eaten their share.

Tips to Beat Holiday Stress

2008-11-25T16:03:00.000-08:00

I saw an article this morning on MSN titled Tips to Beat Holiday Stress. I, of course, clicked on it hoping to be given the secret to getting everything done in time without going apeshit at any point (I’m looking for a legal solution here. – no crack cocaine for this girl). I am always stressed around the holiday season. I most likely get it from my mom either that or I ask way too much of myself during the holidays.

I love Christmas, LOVE IT, but there’re certain things that make Christmas perfect like tons and tons of Christmas cookies, the perfect gift for everybody, and the biggest bestest birthday bash for yours truly. So not only do I have tons of shopping, baking, and, planning to do, but I also have finals to contend with…oh and I’ll be out of town two of the weekends prior to Christmas, but my mom has told me I am not allowed to complain about that.

Anyway, my point is how could I not click on this article? I admit I was hoping for a miracle solution…like maybe they knew how Zach Morris was able to stop time on Saved By The Bell. Let me tell you if I had that power I would not spend that precious time talking to the camera that follows me around all the time.

This article was quite the letdown though – it spent most of the time telling me why I’m stressed, really, though, it doesn’t take a brain surgeon to figure that one out. But there were hardly any tips, as I skimmed it I saw only one: have a potluck instead of cooking the whole dinner by yourself. Are you kidding me?! You do NOT want to get me started about how much I hate hate hate potlucks. So, since this article was so completely the opposite of helpful I thought I would come up with some tips of my own to help people out that might be in the same predicament that I am in, aka easily overwhelmed.

First: Drink a lot. As Homer says, “It is the solution to all of life’s problems…and the cause.” Just ignore that last part. It really helps if you have to go to that company Christmas party (just be sure to leave before you feel like it would be appropriate for you to start removing items of clothing). It improves your acting ability when having to pretend you like a present: “Wow, this is the PERFECT nightgown! I couldn’t have found a more PERFECT one!” I might overdo it sometimes. Or it might decrease your acting ability, but don’t worry that just increases other people’s enjoyment. It also allows you to pass out when family drama gets beyond the point of entertaining.

Second: Hit someone. Preferably somebody that can’t hit back, because having a black eye is not good for de-stressing – it only works when giving them to somebody else.

Third: Call in sick for the company Christmas party. Or if you’re like me, lie and say you’ll be out of town (technically, I will be out of town that day…I’ll just be back in time for the party, but they don’t need to know that!) Or if you’re one of those lucky people who likes their coworkers then go to the party and follow my first tip.

Fourth: Temporarily become bulimic. Who has time to workout during the three weeks between Thanksgiving and Christmas? Plus, what kind of person are you if you actually stick to your diet…no friend of mine that’s for sure. So I say just throw up in between meals. What?! It’s only temporary!

That’s all I’ve got. I could really use some more tips though so that I don’t lose my sanity – How do you keep your marbles intact?

Fuck, Marry, or Kill

2008-11-20T08:53:00.000-08:00

Ok people we’re going to try this again. Last time I made the mistaken assumption that everybody knows how to play this game because how else do you waste your time when you’re waiting in line at the all you can eat buffet? So here’s how the game works: you are given the names of three people and you have to choose which one you want to fuck, which one you want to marry (it’s a sexless marriage by the way), and which one you would like to brutally kill. Oh, and you HAVE to choose. You can’t be all, “I can’t decide they’re all so hot!” or “I would kill myself before I fucked any of them!” No, no, those are not options. This week is the James Bond version. Girls, you have three James Bonds to make your decision:

Personally, I would fuck Daniel Craig because he’s got one hot bod. I love me some Pierce Brosnan so he’ll be my future hubby. And while I love Sean Connery’s accent and the way he treats Alex Trebek I’m going to have to kill him.

Boys, here’s your choice of Bond girls chosen solely on how ridiculous their names are:

Pussy Galore

Octopussy:

And the only Bond girl James Bond himself married:

I hate Bella. I should be in her place.

2008-11-18T16:51:00.000-08:00

I was nervous about my book club at first – I thought it would fail pretty quickly, but it’s been going pretty well. We read a good combination of different books: old classics, modern fiction, non-fiction. Every month the host of that book club chooses the next book.

The last host chose Twilight - a good easy to read no-brainer. At first, I was excited. I bought the book, but haven’t found the time to pick it up and read it despite the fact that I’ve heard nothing but good things about it. I figured having it as a book club book would motivate me.

However, ever since the book was actually chosen I have started hearing not so great things, like how cheesy the writing is. If there is one thing that will make me hate a book it is cheestastic writing and clichés galore. So now I’m all nervous that I will despise it and I truly want to enjoy it!

This morning on my way to work the radio station I listen to was interviewing the “two biggest fans of Twilight on the west coast”. They were two high school age girls and they were certifiably crazy about Twilight.

In this interview I was lucky enough to hear first hand the cheesy writing as the host was doing “dramatic readings” of it. These girls kept talking about how perfect Edward was and how they loved the books because they themselves were falling in love with Edward.

The fact that Edwards is “perfect” also bothers me. How is that romantic? It’s easy to love somebody who always does and says the right thing. What happened to loving somebody for their imperfections? These poor teenage girls are convinced that the perfect man/vampire is waiting for them somewhere. He just isn’t in Kent…which is, I guess, a valid point.

It turns out that, funnily enough, these girls were studying Romeo and Juliet in their English class, but, COME ON, that is nowhere near as romantic as Edward and Bella! I think that’s what had me convinced these girls had lost their minds. Maybe if they saw the movie with Leo they would understand the romance behind it…

Despite my reservations regarding this book I am still going to give it a fair chance. I’m going to attempt to forget all those pesky realities about how Bella could never be truly happy with Edward because I mean, really, how is that going to work when she’s forty and he’s still seventeen? Truthfully, chances are I’ll love it. Deep down I am a hopeless romantic…and I will probably agree with the obsessed girls that Bella’s a loser and I should be the one with Edward. On the other hand at the age of sixteen I very passionately hated Titanic so I am proud to say I do not succumb to all things “romantic”.

I thank God every day I'm not a moron

2008-11-14T08:53:00.000-08:00

On my way to class on Wednesday night I overheard a very fascinating conversation. There were three girls walking ahead of me and one of them was probably around seven months pregnant and was asking her friends if they thought she could just use her dog clothes as a substitute for baby clothes. You see that way she wouldn’t have to go shopping for baby clothes. Her friends seemed to think it was a good idea. One of them pointed out that it might constrict the baby's movement some, but, hey, it's not like the baby is moving around a lot or anything. It sounds to me like she was really prepared for how her life was about to change in just a few months.

Who knew? I CAN O.D. on caffeine

2008-11-12T11:01:00.000-08:00

I met with my marketing group yesterday after work at a coffee shop in Bellevue. Of course, first order of business when I got there was to order a coffee – I went with my usual mocha with extra shots and NO WHIP. God, I hate whip cream.

I had this friend growing up who was always shooting that stuff straight into her mouth and every time she did it I threw up a little in my mouth. Shudder.

I am extremely picky when it comes to my coffee – I attribute this to my six years of working as a barista through high school and college. First of all, if I see the espresso shots have been sitting for too long without being mixed with milk I’ll tell them to throw them out. Unless the person looks sketchy and might pee in my drink when I’m distracted by the annoying high school girls with their high pitched voices whining about that skanky hoe not inviting them to that party last Friday night, but a bad coffee drink can ruin my day – I must take steps to protect it even if that means taking a slight risk of bodily fluids making their way into my precious drink.

My other problem is people have been known to forget the all important extra shot which, believe me, is a tragedy for it makes the drink much to sweet. I am also one of those people who like extra foam on their mocha. First, it also lowers the sweetness factor and second, it keeps the mocha from exploding out of the lid, which has happened all too often to me on days when I happen to be wearing an especially cute sweater.

Anyway, I’m sure you were all dying to know exactly how I like my mocha…but what I was going to say before I got sidetracked is that I really didn’t need those extra three shots of espresso yesterday after work. Our meeting lasted a little over two hours, but since Seattle traffic is such a little bitch I still managed to get stuck in rush hour on the way home in the middle of a “November storm” (that’s what the news kept calling it, not much a storm if you ask me…but I guess the people who are preparing for floods would disagree with me).

The point is that it wasn’t really the greatest for me to be driving in that kind of traffic while having a heart attack. You read that right - I swear to you I was having a heart attack on my way home. If not a heart attack then my heart was at least skipping beats and there was chest pain involved.

My theory is that the three shots I had after already ingesting my normal amount of caffeine for the day (a morning coffee, black tea, pop) was just too much caffeine for me, which I really did not think was possible. I thought caffeine no longer had any effect on me…except for the lack of it causing a headache that feels like people having a party in my skull with jackhammers. Hopefully this lesson stays with me for a while…at least until tonight when I have to go to school and I am once again tempted to drink coffee – there is going to be a guest speaker tonight, which is never good for my attention span.

Sometimes I can be such a scaredy-cat

2008-11-10T15:41:00.000-08:00

I am just racked with insecurities today. Man do I hate those days. I know I complain about this a lot, but as I told Chuckles earlier I really do hate not having time to workout and as he said I would have to quit work or school to make time for it so I will just have to survive for now with my once a week workout routine.

I was doing pretty good this summer and ran my first 5K in September and did pretty well according to my standards. My goal when I signed up for the race was to finish in under thirty minutes and I finished at thirty one minutes – close enough for me! Also, I was 74th out of about 2,800 in my division.

I am running my second 5K this weekend, but this one is a little different and I haven’t been running nearly as much as I was this summer. On top of that I’m part of a team with two other girls who work out every day. Then there’s me who’s lucky to get in fifteen minutes of yoga a week. It is quite frustrating.

My teammates are very sweet and have assured me that they are in no way serious about this and we can run at whatever pace we want, but on this typical Monday I am just feeling slightly nervous about it.

Also, there are obstacles in the course. What kind of obstacles we won’t know til we show up. At least one of my teammates refuses to get dirty so it should be interesting what with me being a slowpoke and our team refusing to participate in obstacles. Chuckles is excited – he thinks it will be quite entertaining for him to watch.

I am also feeling insecure about school. Nothing new there right? We start our project tonight and I am not really prepared. I have this problem where once I’ve finished with my midterms I decide that I deserve a break and next thing I know I’m behind in all my classes and have more tests approaching.

Yesterday morning I downloaded the handbook that we are supposed to have read prior to tonight only to discover that it was 150 pages and I had homework due on the reading in two hours. I think that is also the point yesterday when I yelled at Chuckles and he left to have lunch with his dad as opposed to being around my toxic self. Anyway, I’m sure my group will manage. It is a game and we will be competing with other groups in the class so I hope I can restrain myself and not let my competitive side take over.

After class there is going to be a study abroad fair and there is a class during the intersession that is in the Dolomites in Italy that I desperately want to take and yet I keep talking myself out of it. So many excuses: it costs too much money, I can’t take that much time off work, it’s precious time spent taking a class I don’t need to graduate. It is a class based on emotional intelligence, which I know some people think is bullshit, but I have heard only good things about this class and I have always been desperate to see Italy. Ever since I was thirteen and read Beach Music by Pat Conroy (I know…cheesy, but I was an impressionable teenager) I have been dying to go to Italy and I have always regretted not studying abroad as an undergrad. So part of me wants to go, but part of me is scared to go hiking through a foreign country with strangers where we talk about our feelings. Just writing that out made me think Hells no, I am not going. But then every email I get from the professor has this quote at the bottom:

"You will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in you sails. Explore. Dream. Discover."

I know I would be disappointed if I didn’t go. Hopefully, at the end of class I won’t be feeling too lazy or too anxious and I will stop and get more details.

Spreading the Love

2008-11-07T12:03:00.000-08:00

Supposedly there were streets all over Seattle that were flooded this morning (I say supposedly because I did not in fact witness these “flooded streets”, but if Mr. RadioMan says they’re out there I’ll believe him) making for a not very fun Friday morning commute. Not that morning commutes are ever fun, but Friday mornings ones usually rank above average in the sense that I don’t search through the glove box in the hopes that this is the morning I remembered to bring that box of razors.

Basically every street was completely gridlocked and you know when that happens you’re lucky when people don’t block the intersection. Well, this morning as I was waiting to turn right onto one of these backed up streets two cars had pulled up and blocked the crosswalk and some lady, who was waiting to cross the street (and I might add at first seemed totally normal) stepped up to one of the cars and started banging on the passenger side window and screaming, “You’re blocking the DAMN crosswalk you JERKFACE!” Then she kicked the tire for good measure. Then she walked up to the next car, also blocking the crosswalk, and banged on the trunk and yelled at him too.

I don’t know about you…but I’m thinking that was a bit of an overreaction, it’s not like she was unable to get to the other side of the street. Nobody came close to running over her. In my book, that is called “success”. I mean most of the time when I cross the street I come very close to getting run over. In fact, just the other day when I was walking to school I was only one millisecond from being smashed by a red sports car – so, yeah, this lady has issues.

Anycrap, I just felt the need to share that with everyone. But what I’m really here to do is pass on an award. A while ago Jamie at Oh! How Lovely! gave me an award! So Sexciting! It’s a cute award too - just look at it:

Now I get to pass this beauty on to five other deserving bloggers. I decided to share it with some bloggers I only recently started reading…I’m sure everybody else in the blogger world is way ahead of me, but I’m slow so give me a break. So here they are:

Losing It – She’s quite funny and snarky. I have quite the little blog crush on her.

Love Maegan – We have a lot in common – same name, she has a pug and I would give my right ovary to have a pug of my own, we both like fashion. Really the only difference is she’s a hot blonde and I am, well, not.

Genius Pending – He’s pretty much the only other Seattle blogger I know of and he’s funny and he lets me leave offensive comments about setting the elderly on fire and returns the favor by leaving offensive comments here and, well, I think it’s pretty damn funny.

Arjewtino – I learn a lot from him. I mean just the other day I learned that if you search for “Lose your virginity to a dog” you get a lot of results. Yep, very informative.

Stoogepie – So I’ve been reading his blog for a while, but, come on, he writes naughty comics. Emphasis on the naughty.

So that’s that. I hope everybody has a fan-fucking-tastic weekend!

What a relief!

2008-11-05T15:20:00.000-08:00

Thank God that ended well! Am I right or am I right? I have to say that is the first time I voted for a winner. YAY ME! As I shared with you yesterday, and I know you were all sorts of jealous, I hung with the fam last night and we watched the results together.

When I got there after a hellish commute my big sis with her two little boys was already there and those boys were well on their way to creating havoc. That’s not completely true. But what is true is that when my mom asked Jared what kind of pizza he wanted he forcefully replied, “COOKIE!” Unfortunately, we were never able to convince him that there was no such thing as a “cookie pizza” regardless of how unbelievably cool that would be, so, needless to say, he was quite disappointed when the pizza came and there were no cookies on it as toppings. Travesty!

After we had chowed down on plenty of cheesy pizza and had plenty of delicious wine we started our game of election night bingo. It had typical sayings on it: voter turnout, concession speech, absentee ballots. Unfortunately, we were watching some of the Daily Show because the graphics on NBC scared us and Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert were talking about…well, not voter turnout. At one point (don’t ask me why) the phrase “Giant Shit Burger” was uttered. This caused my dad to scour his card only to find that it was nowhere to be found. We were not happy with that blatant oversight.

Also, I don’t think my mom really put a lot of thought into how last night would play out in terms of playing a game with my dad, my sister, and I. You see the three of us are extremely competitive and every time somebody would say a phrase that was somewhat close to one on our cards she would want to mark it off and all three of us would yell at her, “It’s not exact! It has to be the exact phrase.” I think at one point or possibly multiple times (I can’t really remember…blame it on the wine) I accused my mom of cheating. She did win after all. I would have more vehemently protested, but she was nice and shared the prize: a box of mint frangos. Nummy.

Later after we decided we’d stayed too late and couldn’t wait any longer for Obama’s speech my sis went to wake the boys and we gathered our stuff together. When she got downstairs she asked Jared which parent he wanted to go home with and he just kept staring at me causing us all to think he was on the brink of saying Auntie Megan! Which would have been the wrong answer…despite that we considered it for a second. Simply because it would have been funny for me to show up at home: Look, honey! I won election night bingo and the prize was a four year old boy. I wonder if he does any tricks.

I did my part. DID YOU DO YOURS?

2008-11-04T11:02:00.000-08:00

I voted this morning. I was a good citizen. I was a bit freaked out last week because I thought I wouldn’t be able to vote. You see I am still registered at my parent’s house and I am supposed to be a “permanent absentee” voter, but they never received my absentee ballot. Then when I searched to see if I was still registered there King County had the gall to say I wasn’t registered at all. Wha???? It’s not like I haven’t voted before. PLUS I was active in the caucus and King County said I was registered then. I smelled something fishy. So I called them yesterday and for some unknown reason my voter status had been changed to “inactive”, but they said I could still vote. Wheee!!

So early this morning I headed to my voting place to find there was zero parking. After driving around a while I caught somebody leaving and was able to steal their spot. I headed on in to find the voting room filled to the brim – there was absolutely no room to move. None. Zilch. I was somewhat confused as to why they had it in this tiny little meeting room when in the past the voting was done in the junior high’s library. I guess they heard the voter turnout would be smaller this year? I don’t think Kenmore is very smart. Maybe that’s why we’re called Kenmorons…I went to the democratic caucus and they were far from prepared for that too. That was in the junior high cafeteria and people were so crowded together I have no doubt that is was a fire hazard. It was unbearably hot and nobody could hear you talk. Any time somebody had something to say they had to stand on top of a table and scream. Yep, not prepared at all.

Anycrap, I was finally able to get in line and, luckily for me, some crazy lady got in line right behind me. She was quite dressed up in a Christmas turtleneck and baggy sweatpants. She was also quite creepster in her insistence to speak to every small child there. You wouldn’t think there’d be a lot of small children, but, believe me, there were. In front of me was a mom with her ten year old daughter and her daughter was telling her how she thought that voting meant putting a candidate’s name on a piece of paper and putting it in a box. Creepster lady interjected here to say, excruciatingly slowly, “Well, little girl, that would work in a small election, but with millions and millions of people that would take a long time to count. Don’t you think?” It was unbearably condescending. I wanted to turn around and say she’s a kid, not retarded, but I thought that might be construed as offensive. To another little boy there she kept saying to him, “I bet you could walk right under that table! Walk under the table! Walk under it! Walk under the table!” Oh dear God, it was intolerable.

But I am happy to report that I survived without hurting creepy lady and am now at work anxiously watching the minutes tick by as I wait for the day to end so I can plop myself in front of the TV hooked to the results. I’m going to watch the coverage with my parents while we chow down on pizza and drink wine and play an exciting game of election night bingo that my very cool mom has put together for us.

What do you think you're doing?!

2008-10-31T12:01:00.000-07:00

I am one of those crazies who talk in their sleep and have real conversations with people. For the most part Chuckles finds this amusing…except of course when I yell at him, which is what happens, oh, I don’t know, maybe 99% of the time.

Usually what happens is after I have fallen into a deep sleep, which takes me all of five seconds, Chuckles will move slightly and I will respond by doing one of two things. I will either shout at him, “What do you think you’re doing?!” to which he responds, “NOTHING!” You know it really isn’t nice of me to yell at him for nothing and yet I continue to yell at him – usually some lecture about how lying is bad and how don’t think for a second I believe him and his “nothing” excuse…oh yeah, he’s up to something.

Or I’ll see something that isn’t there. Sometimes it’s a bug, which I will insist is there, and I either have to get up and get a closer look or Chuckles needs to get up and KILL IT NOW. Don’t ever question me when this happens because it will just get me unnecessarily upset. Just let me look at it. Chuckles doesn’t understand this. He has to insist that I’m dreaming. If he would just let me turn the light on I would figure it out for myself. Instead it always ends in an argument because apparently people who are trying to sleep don’t like having the light on. Losers.

Or I’ll see somebody else in the room and will scream bloody murder and hurry to use Chuckles as a barrier for the knife stabbing that is imminent. Instead of comforting me he just pushes me away telling me to keep quiet, but to his credit I do do this a lot. Then there was the time I thought there was another girl in bed with us. That was NOT PRETTY. That started with my usual question: “What do you think you’re doing?” Chuckles insisted I was sleeping which just pissed me off more. Unfortunately, it didn’t help that Chuckles was laughing the whole time saying things like, “There’s another girl in the bed? Where? How could I be unaware of this? Is she hot?” So I forced to yell at him, “This is NOT a laughing matter do you WANT to get kicked in the balls?” I think he was laughing too hard to hear me though.

It’s always an adventure going to bed with me – not in that way you dirty dirty birdies – I mean you never know what I will do in the middle of the night. Sometimes we’ll get into long conversations which leave me extremely frustrated because Chuckles always has no idea what I’m talking about and those conversations always end with my yelling at him to stop pretending he doesn’t know what I’m talking about and to stop acting so stupid, you stupid dummy.

But, if you ask me, none of this compares to my little brother who has been known to get up in the middle of the night and take down all the pictures and put them all in the bathroom. Yeah, I know. He’s a real Crazy.

Game time!!

2008-10-29T10:01:00.000-07:00

I know I have talked a lot of shit about my job in the past year or so, but there are some very good aspects of it. Sure there are a couple people here who make me cringe on a daily basis with their crazy antics, but there are also a couple people who are genuinely nice and sweet and I really couldn’t say anything bad about them if I tried.

I called in sick yesterday because my stomach hates me and I also called in sick last Tuesday because stress had gotten the better of me and I pretty much lost my mind. So that’s two Tuesdays in a row that I called in sick.

At my last job that would have warranted a call to the President’s office and a good talking to and maybe a warning that if it happened again to pack up my desk.

Because of this I was 100% ready to be called into the CFO’s office to be told that that was unacceptable and I had my reasoning all ready to go. But, surprises of surprises, that didn’t happen! Instead, people are actually asking me if I’m feeling better and nobody is telling me I need to work overtime to make up for my time away. It’s so amazing to work with people who actually believe you when you call in to say your stomach is attacking itself in a horrible form of self destruction.

Anyways, enough about that now it’s time for a little game I call “Fuck, Marry, or Throw off a cliff”. For the boys I present a Dancing with the Stars edition:

And for the girls we have a vampire themed edition:

I know Sam isn’t a vampire, but I have such a crush on him and I wish Sookie would be with him instead because she has no future with a vampire. Hello?! Bill has to do whatever the sheriff of Area 5 tells him and she will never be able to eat breakfast with him and he can’t eat pizza. Need I go on? So tell me – who would you fuck, marry, and throw off a cliff?

I would marry Sam as I said earlier - you can't have a future with a vampire! I would fuck Bill because who doesn't love hot vampire sex? Theoretically of course. And I would throw Edward off a cliff, but that's only because I haven't had time to read Twilight yet. I'm probably the only one left who hasn't read it...

Gimme! Gimme!

2008-10-24T09:46:00.000-07:00

So I know that the economy is in the crapper and blah blah blah, but I still want STUFF! I can’t stop buying shtuff either. Last week when I was in my funk I bought at least five cd’s – I just couldn’t stop myself. Once again, I have no self control. None. Nada. Zilch. Also why I haven’t worked out in a week and why I ate a bag of popcorn the other night and have had too many donuts to count. They’re my weakness! Don’t judge. I am trying to control my constant urge to shop though due to the fact that who knows where we'll be in a year or so. Given that I work for a company that isn’t exactly recession proof I have decided to just drool over the following items as opposed to buying them. However, considering my lack of control I might just own them by next week. Who knows?!

This green Priorities jacket - I luurrvve the Peter Pan collar:

These gray booties from DSW - I've been dying for a good pair of booties:

This scarf from PrettyRaccoons shop at Etsy - you can never have too many scarves:

And, finally, I want this picture from Matteart at Etsy - I don't know where I'd hang it, but I'd find a place, don't you worry:

Nobody steals from me. Nobody.

2008-10-22T10:11:00.000-07:00

I have an enemy in my marketing class that is much more serious than the enemy I dealt with in my accounting classes. The ex-enemy was simply annoying with her non-stop chattering and her “I’m better than you” attitude.

The new and improved enemy is an actual asshole. Remember that guy who doesn’t speak English all that well, but still likes to argue with the prof over the correct usage of words? Of course you do. Well now he likes to sit next to me. Mother Effer.

At the end of each class the prof makes us do a group project and you automatically have to work with the person next to you. This shouldn’t come as a surprise, but he is quite the know-it-all. It was an extremely frustrating experience. He talks non-stop and every time somebody would try to get a word in edgewise he would just talk louder to drown them out. I really do not take kindly to people trying to shut me up so I was truly near tears. Finally, I gave up and completely stopped contributing. Instead I started digging in my purse for stray Starbursts and shared them with the nice guy next to me who had also given up. Then we sat back and watched the one guy left attempt to argue with Jackass who appeared to not notice that anybody else was talking.

This really isn’t all that big of a deal until you consider the fact that I will probably be in a group with him for the huge project that we spend six weeks of class time working on. I have finally faced the facts that if I am in a group with this guy in order to survive I will have to stop caring about my grade…which is virtually impossible for me.

I have this completely illogical attitude that if I don’t get an A on every single project, homework assignment, and test I will inevitably end up homeless living in some parking lot in Seattle next to an onramp to I-5. I pass these people every day on my way home from school and, while occasionally I’ll get tata’s flashed at me, it only serves as a reminder of what my future will be like if I don’t get straight A’s. Please don’t point out how irrational this is - my poor brain can’t process it it’s got too many other things going on.

Anyway, either I have to stop caring about my grade because I won’t be allowed to talk and therefore will have zero control over it or I have to confront him. I’ve been giving myself a pep talk about confronting him so hopefully I’ll have the ovaries to bitch him out in the next month or so.

Oh, and did I mention he stole my pencil? Well, he did. Jackass. On a positive note I’m liking the prof more than I did at the beginning of class. The new enemy isn’t the only idiot in the class – there are quite a few and what I like about the prof is he has no patience for them. I always said I could never be a teacher because when people are stupid I wouldn’t be shy about telling them. This prof just looks at them like they’re crazy and says, “No! That’s not it at all. NEXT!” I love it.

However, I hate how it doesn’t faze these people. They just keep on keeping on. In all seriousness though at one point he asked a question and then point blank said, “The answer is not blah blah blah” and then three people raised their hand and said, “Is the answer blah blah blah?” NO, IT ISN’T. If you’re not listening than stop talking! I’d be worried about losing my cool and yelling at people to shut their stupid mouths, but I figure I’ve made it this far without going completely nutso so surely I can make it another month and a half.

Correction

2008-10-20T15:09:00.000-07:00

I have to be honest with you…I lied last week. Only a little. Just a teensy eensy baby lie. Here’s some context so you are not completely lost…first there was a comment from rs27:

Captain America and that outfit is perfect for a USA party. Or just dress as
Betsy ross. She was a hip hip lady.

Then there is my reply:

Strangely enough I have a friend who has a Betsy Ross costume so that would be
perfect.

This comment really pissed somebody off and that somebody would be Tits McGee. When I got to the “America Rocks!” party Saturday night I was accosted by her yelling, “I do NOT have a Betsy Ross costume. It is amish. AMISH!”

She then insisted I make a big announcement to make sure that everybody knows that it is an Amish costume. After that I ventured into Mike’s bathroom where I found some valium, which I crushed in her drink. That way we could make fun of the black eye she received playing dodgeball (I’m telling you sports are dangerous) and continually ask her if she was a victim of domestic violence without her telling us to shut up or worse throwing a beer bottle at us in exasperation. Nobody wastes a drop of booze on my watch.

Soooo…just to be clear…Tits owns an Amish costume (that she made herself – hand sewn and with no zippers so it is authentic) and, despite past confusion, it is not a Betsy Ross costume. Honestly, she wore it to a Halloween party a couple years ago and everyone thought she was Besty Ross. I’m not completely crazazy.

Also, I have to say I was quite disappointed in people’s costumes at the party or maybe I should say lack of costumes. Some people weren’t even wearing red, white, or blue! I mean COME ON! By far Chuckles and I had the best costumes, except Mike of course who was wearing a shirt with a flag and an eagle and around the flag it said, “Freedom is not free.” So eloquent.

Also, talk about my disappointment at seeing Tits wasn’t sporting her Amish costume especially after we quizzed Mike and one of the questions dealt with how people came to America for religious freedom – Hello?! The Amish?! So disappointed.

I'm tired of douchebags flipping me the bird constantly

2008-10-16T16:16:00.000-07:00

Lately there have been several incidents of other drivers getting very angry with me while I’m driving. It was happening so often that I was really starting to believe that I was a bad driver, which I’m NOT despite what other people might tell you. Don’t listen to them they’re lying!

For sure the past couple times that people have gotten all pissy at me it has not been my fault and I became absolutely positive of it last night.

The first incident of road rage was when I was almost home from work and went to change lanes (with my blinker ON) and some guy three cars back changed lanes at the same time and stepped on his gas pedal despite the fact that there was a red light not that far ahead and he came so close to hitting me he had to go up on the curb to avoid it. Of course his response was to tailgate me until he could get next to me and then drive along next to me whilst giving me the stink eye, the bird, and some other very inappropriate gestures for, oh, I don’t know, ten minutes. I was a bit worried that he was going to follow me home. Not my fault he stepped on his gas without looking if anyone was in front of him!

The second time somebody completely lost their temper with me was on 100th in Kirkland when it goes from two lanes down to one. I let one person in as road etiquette requires. Hello?! People are supposed to alternate – every car lets one car in. Well, some douchebag SUV thought he could squeeze in in front of me and I was having none of it. Of course, he had plenty of room to merge behind me and then decided to follow me all the way to Edmonds while, I shit you not, giving me the bird the entire way.

Now some of you probably have no idea what I’m talking about when I say he followed me all the way to Edmonds so let’s just say I was, once again, scared that some crazy was following me home to get his revenge.

So what happened last night to convince me that I’m not the crazy one other than the fact that I was able to refrain from hitting the asswipe in front of me at Starbucks with my umbrella? I saw the same douchebaggie SUV do it to somebody else! That’s right, some other poor victim made the poor decision to only let one car in, but stopped at letting the SUV merge so he tailgated them while giving them the bird and I was lucky enough to have been the one who let him in so I saw it all unfold.

I used to feel sorry for people that had road rage because I figured they must be really unhappy people to flip the fuck out just because somebody cut them off or wouldn’t let them merge, but I’m not such a nice person any more. Now I just get angry right back. What’s your worst road rage story? Have you ever pulled a gun on anyone? You can admit it – I probably would have by now, it’s just that I don’t keep my gun in the car.

What to wear?

2008-10-15T08:45:00.001-07:00

As I have mentioned earlier my friend who is now an American Citizen is having a party to celebrate and the theme is, of course, U. S. A! Chuckles and I took a trip to Value Village earlier to try and find some good ole patriotic shirts, but we weren’t very lucky. Although, I did find some amazing stripper shoes…but those will be saved for another sort of party. Chuckles has several very cool red, white, and blue shirts we can wear, but before I settled on that I decided to do some searching on ebay to see what I could find and I found plenty. There were two items that would be perfect – here are pictures for your viewing pleasure:

While this would be the most perfectest patriotic costume ever I’m afraid it is quite expensive. I tried to bargain with Chuckles and use my rent money for it, but that was shot down. So, dear readers, do you have any suggestions for the coolest patriotic “I am a stoopid American” costume?

This is a long one. My apologies.

2008-10-13T08:35:00.000-07:00

A while ago Ben at No Ordinary Rollercoaster presented a challenge to post a story behind our best hangover ever. It’s taken me a week or so to post mine because I had a really hard time identifying my worst hangover ever. Let’s just say that when I reached the age of twenty one (yes, I waited til I was of legal age) I kinda went crazy. I kept rifling through all those college hangovers, but none of them really stood out as special.

Then the other day as I was driving the song “Dancing Nancies” came on the radio and triggered a memory that I had completely blocked for reasons you will soon understand – memories of a drunken night that I am going to share with you.

Soooo…here’s my story so other’s can learn from my mistakes…or really my series of bad decisions. At the last minute one weekend two summers ago a couple friends and I decided to get tickets off craigslist and head over to the Dave Matthews Band at the Gorge.

I woke up early the day of the concert, packed my stuff, and we headed out for the three hour drive to the Gorge. The second we got there the three of us immediately started downing forties we had bought at the gas station down the street. We were what you might call “Classy” with a capital C.

We quickly made friends with the cute guys at the campsite next to us who offered convinced Kathleen and I to do tequila shots with them. Me doing tequila shots = worst idea EVAH. I repeat: Worst Idea Ever. It’s safe to say that Kathleen and I were drunk before we even got to the concert and as Ross drove us there we played “Dancing Nancies” on repeat and sang at the top of our lungs. It blows me away to this day that the cops routinely pulling cars over outside the concert didn’t pull us over, but that’s where my luck ended.

Take a wild guess as to the first thing we did when we got in to the concert? You guessed it! We bought ourselves some beer and since we are s-m-a-r-t we each bought two forties of Coors light. Have I told you yet that I am as classy as they come?

Once we found our seat I immediately had to go to the bathroom so I grabbed my purse and stumbled down to the port-a-potties, which already had a ridiculously long line. So long, in fact, that by the time I finally relieved myself and struggled to button my pants it was dark out and I could not find Ross or Kathleen anywhere.

Drunk Megan started panicking. I whipped out my cell phone and started calling Ross (Kathleen didn’t bring her cell) approximately every minute and leaving crazy messages that ranged from yelling, “Pick up your GD phone you Douchebag! Why the fuck did you ditch me?!” to me whimpering, “I don’t know what to do. This is horrible. Please please please pick up your phone and tell me where you are.”

I also called people in other states to ask them what I should do. Unfortunately, I was completely unintelligible and they would eventually hang up out of frustration. Finally I gave up, sat down by myself, and went to put my phone in my purse…which had mysteriously disappeared. Oh yeah, oopsies, I left my purse in the port-a-potty.

Of course at this point I decided a safe place to set my phone while I dejectedly tried to come up with a game plan was on the ground next to me, which of course resulted in somebody stepping on it, successfully smashing it into a hundred little pieces.

At this point I started crying, which I’m sure was quite awkward for those sitting around me. I really don’t remember the rest of the night very well, but I think some people attempted to comfort me. Towards the end of the night as I was asking a security guard for help, amazingly, another security guard walked up saying somebody had turned in a lost purse and it was MINE! Not only was it mine, but nothing had been taken out of it. HOLY SHIT!

With my luck looking up I thought I would definitely be able to spot Ross because he’s really tall and ridiculously skinny, but….I didn’t. The only thing left to do was to start wandering the huge field that is a parking lot looking for a car that when we had parked while I had been waaaayyy too drunk to remember where and, shocker, I didn’t find it.

But I did find a group of people going to the same campsite who said they would drive me, but only if I got in a drinking contest with the big guy in the group. Seemed like a good deal to me so I chugged two forties and they deemed me worthy of giving a ride.

So miracle of miracles I made it back to the tent only to find Ross and Kathleen passed out inside and decided the right thing to do was to wake up the campsite by screaming, “Good news! I’m ALIVE! Didn’t you wonder where I was? But, WOOHOO, I wasn’t GANGRAPED. Jesus, I can’t believe you ditched me you fuckers.” Really, one of my classier moments.

I quickly climbed into my sleeping bag cursing the whole time and then quickly climbed out to go outside and vomit everywhere. Repeated that about five more times and the next morning when we went to breakfast I don’t think I left the bathroom once.

So I learned my lesson. Hopefully, you can learn from me: when going to a concert it’s probably not a good idea to overdo it on the forties and tequila shots, don’t wander off without leaving a trail of bread crumbs, and don’t hitchhike in the middle of nowhere with a bunch of strangers who “force” you into a drinking contest with a guy approximately the size of Warren Sapp.

Oh, and about a week later, an ex, also named Ross, who happened to be part of Seattle’s improv comedy club called to make sure I was ok because I had left some crazy messages on his phone and he hoped I didn’t mind, but he had played them for his cast mates and they had thought it was so funny they had provided some inspiration for a skit that they performed that same night that was a big hit. So something good came out of it.

Don't be a Jonze

It's a whole new me!

2008-10-09T08:33:00.001-07:00

Do you like it? Do you?! How cute is my new little bloggie blog? I have to say I think Delicious Design Studio did an awesome job and I likey.

Anyway, work is really crazy today so that’s all I have to say. (And by “work is really crazy” I mean the Nordstrom website is moving very slowly.) But I don’t have to write anything anymore because you can just look at my pretty design now. It’s like a weight is lifted off my shoulders – I no longer have to strain to be witty. Jesus, what a relief.

I am a horrible person.

2008-10-07T15:15:00.001-07:00

I realized something about myself last night and I am somewhat ashamed of it. I had my marketing class last night and I made a point of sitting in a different spot because I didn’t want to be in a group for the final project with the people sitting around me from the first week. I told myself it was because the guy sitting next to me was quite arrogant. (He kept going on and on about this cool job he had in Taiwan and all the people under him and blah blah blah something about wearing gold-plated diapers).

But I was forced to come to terms with the other underlying reason for my not wanting to be in their group…they were foreign. I know I’m a horrible person, I get it, but before you get all judgey on me I have to tell you that there is a really big group paper due at the end of the quarter. So what if I want to be in a group with the white people who can probably write well? I am so going to hell.

What happened last night to cause this epiphany is the prof (still with the popped collar) was talking about fidelity in terms of movies means how “faithful” they are to reality. At this point some kid in the back of the classroom raised his hand and said in a very strong accent that he thought the teacher didn’t know what the word faithful really meant and was using it in the wrong context and he continued to harp on it until the teacher used “accurate” instead.

All I could think was if I were a student at a school in France I wouldn’t be arguing with the teacher about the correct meaning of French words. But that’s just me, crazy “where are my pills” me! Later another international student got in a friendly debate with the teacher about the difference between convenience and flexibility.

So sue me that I don’t want to be in a group with them and instead want to be in a group with the nice girl who is just happens to be from the U.S. of A. and happens to work in Marketing and, yes, I talked to her on the way to our cars and I think I’m golden if I get in a group with her. Let me tell you I breathed a huge sigh of relief on the way home knowing that I would have a group that spoke fluent English.

Although, that didn’t last long because I quickly realized I needed to head to a gas station or risk running out of gas on the freeway. Oopsies! Don’t want to do that again!

I want a new liver for Christmas

2008-10-06T10:15:00.000-07:00

I am in a total funk today for some reason. It could be that it’s Monday with no days off in the near future. But while Mondays normally aren’t the greatest they don’t usually bug me this much. I think it might be the fact that I did not have any coffee this morning. None. Zilch.

As a result of this it is probably a good idea that people avoid talking to me at all costs. I’m going to put a sign up on my office door that says, “Enter at your own risk. There is a 95% chance you’ll get your head bitten off.”

Even little things like my highlighter running out of ink is making me pissy. I might have just chucked it out of my office and it might have hit somebody in the head. I’m sure my coworkers enjoy working with me. But really I should be ecstatic because my fantasy football team is winning and I’m playing the number one player in the league. And, yet, if one more person runs by my office like their ass is on fire I’m afraid I will end up pulling my hair out, which could only make my day worse because I really don’t want the whole patchy hair look.

So because I know people don’t want to hear about what a funk I’m in and really I could go on and on about it, but instead of doing that I took a Sparks test. Remember those? I used to take them over and over again in college. I was such a good student.

Anyways, since I am convinced I am dying I thought the death test would be appropriate to see if I really am…because I believe everything the internets tell me. Annnyyywaaayy, it appears that I am going to die at the ripe old age of 44 on October 28th. Also, I will die from alcoholism. Shocking! No, really, it is shocking because I did answer yes when they asked me if I have the black plague. I figured it was apt enough since I have something and I really don’t know what it is and tapeworm wasn’t an option. Soooo….I’ve got 18 years to live. Now I’m in even more of a funk since I’ve already reached the halfway point.

I will miss all of you

2008-10-02T11:22:00.000-07:00

I think I’m dying. There is something very wrong with me. I am always hungry. ALWAYS. I swear I’ve heard of a disease where the person never feels full and it gets to the point where the refrigerator and pantry has to be locked and the key hidden so they don’t overeat themselves to death. In fact, now that I think about it, the one and only CSI show I ever saw was about a guy who had to be chained to his chair or he would overeat.

I would have appreciated it if somebody had tied me to my chair yesterday. The problem stems from the fact that I am trying really hard to be healthy. This is very difficult for me because in the past I have been extremely unhealthy – we’re talking a donut for breakfast every day, multiple mochas a day, multiple sodas a day, a bag of pretzels, pasta drowned in butter and cheese for dinner.

I was on a fast track to becoming the mom in the movie What’s Eating Gilbert Grape and I really don’t want my kids to be embarrassed by my weight – I want them to be embarrassed by my inappropriate comments and the fact that I’m always drunk when their friends come over.

Obviously, it was time for me to make some changes to my diet, but you can see how big of a change this would be for me. I started by cutting down on the mochas and soda. Now I am trying to cut down on the amount of snacks I eat.

The problem is that every day an hour before my lunch break I get sooo hungry. So normally I break out the snackie snacks and start chowing down, but yesterday I brought yogurt to work or as my nephew likes to call it GOGURT! GOGURT! GOGURT! The kid likes his yogurt. I wish I could be as passionate about something that wasn’t butter or bacon.

The point is I tried having a pre lunch snack of yogurt yesterday and it made me more hungry. Then all I could think about was the sandwich waiting for me in my purse. That delicious wonderful sandwich that I wasn’t supposed to eat for another hour. Of course I ate it. Like you had to ask. BUT I only ate half of it and left the remainder on my desk to taunt me. And yet I was still hungry.

At this point I started to panic because the slimfast shake I had brought as dinner on the go for class was sounding awfully tempting, but then what would I have to eat for dinner! Nothing. That’s what. I couldn’t spend another three hours in a boring class on the verge of passing out for lack of food. My solution to this quandary? A lunch of pasta drowned in butter and cheese after which I was still hungry. This is why I believe I am dying. It was really nice knowing all of you.

What happens when I get bored

2008-09-30T13:47:00.000-07:00

I had my first marketing class last night. It was boring. Very very boring. First of all, the professor, who was probably in his mid-fifties, showed up in a polo shirt with a popped collar so I already hate him. While I was there I got tired of doodling and instead started writing whatever crossed my mind…anything to keep myself awake. Here’s my notes for your entertainment:

5:33 – I can’t believe I’m going to miss Dancing with the Stars just to spend three hours reviewing the homework.

5:41 – People are stupid.

5:46 – I hate people who don’t raise their hands to talk (When the class is graded on participation and you interrupt other people who haven’t had a chance to speak you’re what people call a Douchebag.)

5:43 – I forgot to bring dinner to work…soooooo hungry. I’m so hungry I actually feel sick to my stomach.

5:52 – Shut. Your. Mouth. What did I say about not interrupting people?!

5:58 – Am I really in graduate school? I only wonder because it appears to me that we’re spending three hours going over homework that consisted of reading comprehension questions.

6:05 – I really need to get my bangs trimmed. They look like a hot tranny mess. (Did I use that in the right way? I really don’t know what it means.)

6:11 – Remember in movies how kids always read comic books hidden behind their school books. I need to figure out a way to work that in this class. I should follow the example of the kid sitting next to me who’s instant messaging friends.

6:17– My bladder is going to explode. Maybe I should stop with this and start writing a will.

6:23 – I wonder what would happen if I started to cry from boredom…I think I’m about to find out.

6:37 – I should come up with a new catchphrase. How ‘bout Shazam? I might have stole that from somebody else…I lack all creativity skills.

6:41 – Stomach growling loudly. People looking around trying to locate noise.

6:47 – Oh dear God. I’m so hungry. Please make it stop. Now I’m whimpering and this can only mean that nobody will want to be in a group with the weird whimpering girl.

6:53 – Just because somebody else is willing to do something does NOT justify an action! Why is this so hard to understand?!

6:59 – People are so stupid.

7:06 – Raise your fucking hand or shut your mouth.

7:11 – My classmates are so unethical it boggles the mind. This is why markets need to be regulated because I can tell you first hand that business students are NOT ethical. They have no morals. None.

7:17 – This, my friends, is why I always have food in my car. Just had a break and was able to run out to the car and grab cheezits. I’m so happy right now.

7:26 – Less than an hour left in class. Shazam! Does it work?

Apparently, this is the point where I passed out…either that or was too distracted by the cheezits to write. I really hope the next class isn’t this boring – I just can’t handle it. I’m afraid of what kind of harm I might possibly inflict on myself if I have to relive this again.

U.S.A.!

2008-09-29T11:02:00.000-07:00

Saturday morning I got up early to meet a few friends for a delicious greasy breakfast. One of my friends, Mikey, had some very exciting news for us – he is becoming an American citizen! Finally, after living here for years he has decided that he will grace the good ole U.S. of A. with his tax revenue.

Of course, this is very exciting, but before Andrea and I could give our approval we had to find out who he planned to vote for in his very first presidential election. Andrea and I our staunch liberals and we couldn’t allow another McCain crazy out on the streets!

Sure, I know what you’re thinking: Could I really stop him from registering to vote. And the answer is of course, don’t be stupid. As I was saying before you so rudely interrupted me is at the news of Mike’s new citizenship we had to find out who he was planning on voting for. His answer? “Palin, of course! I vote for BOOBIES!”

We tried to reason with him. Believe me, we did, but we obviously made the bad decision of trying to talk to him at breakfast because he was much too distracted by his hash browns. All he would say over and over is, “Why wouldn’t I vote for boobies? What other issue could possibly trump boobies?”

We just shook our heads and pointed out to him that Sarah probably didn’t even WANT him to be a citizen – she’d probably take his citizenship back if she could and ship him over to Russia. He really didn’t have a problem with that. We pointed out that she was probably angry with him for taking American’s jobs. Once again he said whatever…BOOBIES!

But I’ve had a couple days to think about it and I think this conversation is proof that he will make a very good American and who am I to try and stop that by kidnapping him and holding him hostage until it’s too late for him to register? Plus, I am really looking forward to the U.S.A! U.S.A.! party to celebrate his citizenship where we will get to dress up as our favorite American stereotypes and eat lots of really greasy and fatty foods.

How NOT to dress your kids

2008-09-25T12:06:00.001-07:00

I would like to continue my earlier story about my shopping trip with the sister if that is okay with you. It’s not really a story so much as I need to share what I discovered in Gap kids after the screeching alarm went off:

Who is buying this for their daughter? I mean really?! A FUR VEST? What is Gap thinking? You know what it reminds me of? Those annoying, bratty rich girls that have fur coats at the age of five. Like Veruca Salt and, in case you didn’t know, everybody hates Veruca Salt.

I really don’t even know what to say about it – I’m at a loss for words, which is why originally I wasn’t going to write about it until, that is, I saw a story on the news about a Seattle company called Heelarious. It is a company started by women who wanted their baby girls to wear high heels. That is correct - the black patent mary janes weren’t cute enough or girly enough for them. Or maybe they were too girly and they wanted something more grown up.

Who really cares what they were thinking? What really galls me is these women think they’re the bees knees and absolutely hi-larious…hence the name “Heelarious.” So clever! I’m not going to go into how unbelievably stupid I think the whole thing is, but I will say this: Do the shoes not look an awful lot like Minnie Mouse’s high heels? And I have to say…I can’t imagine if I had a baby girl that I would want to dress her like Minnie Mouse. But that’s just me.

Nude MILF Sweepstakes

2008-09-23T14:27:00.000-07:00

I’m not sure if my three readers are aware of this, but there is an opportunity for you to win over $600 worth of prizes! There is, I swear. I would never lie to you. NEVER. Not only is there a chance for you to win some awesome prizes, but there’s a chance for you to see Crissy’s tig bitties. Once again I would never lie to you.

So here’s the dealio: if you’re not reading Crissy’s blog on a daily basis then you are not living life to the fullest. For example, today she wrote about poop, which is always funny. Right?! Anycrap, she is in the running for Hottest Mommy Blogger and she made the statement that if she won she would post nude pictures of herself and she is also not a liar so don’t think for a second that she won’t live up to her word.

Here’s where the prizes come in: in an effort to fix the contest, see nudie Crissy, and take down the man (aka Dooce), Stoogepie is offering the following prizes if you vote for Crissy: a camera with a case, a memory stick, photoshop, the novels Swollen and Upstream both written by the FAB Melissa Lion who will sign it with your own personalized message.

For more details please go to Stoogepie’s blog because I’m really too lazy to type out all the details, but if you’re not already convinced of the awesomeness of this then you are unbelievably lame and should probably look into doing something about that. Here’s a link directly to the page to vote for all you people who are as lazy as I am: http://www.bloggerschoiceawards.com/blogs/show/48355.

On top of all that if one of you readers win and say you saw the contest on my blog I can win a video camera! And you know what that means: Boring videos of me doing things like brushing my hair or solving a rubik’s cube or my mom on Thanksgiving trying to figure out to cook a turkey or me singing “I Touch Myself” at karaoke or the aftermath of me after I’ve had two bottles of wine – fun right?! YES!

So go out there people and vote your little asses off.

I'm really good at embarrassing myself

2008-09-22T10:37:00.001-07:00

I decided to be a nice little sister and take my sister shopping for her birthday as opposed to punishing her for all the horrible things she did to me when we were little – I still haven’t gotten her back for that time when she was babysitting and right before my brother’s and my bedtime she went into our rooms, climbed under our covers, and farted like she had never farted before, but I will get revenge; it’s just a matter of time.

Unfortunately, I was too distracted by the glory that is H&M to bother picking out butt ugly outfits to force the big sis to try on. After I spent too much money we decided to wander around some other stores mostly because I suspect big sis was enjoying her trip without her two adorable little boys one of whom when we left kept screaming he NEEDED to give her a hug with his chocolate and maple syrup covered fingers.

First, we went to LuluLemon where I drooled over all the workout clothes that were way too expensive for me to justify buying. Plus why would I want to spend $100 bucks on clothes I’m just going to sweat a lot in? But I still really want this jacket…

After LuluLemon we headed over to the Gap. As we were wandering around I spotted on the opposite wall a gorgeous black purse – just what I’ve been looking for! I headed over to take look and grabbed for it only to find out it was attached to the wall. This being an immediate indication that it was probably out of my price range I started searching for the price tag when out of the frakking blue an ear screeching alarm went off. My sister looked at me like I’d lost my mind and quickly ran away so nobody would think we were together and I looked around and proclaimed very loudly, “I was NOT trying to steal the bag. I was just trying to find out how much it is, but OBVIOUSLY they don’t want us to know and they have LOST MY BUSINESS. HA! That’ll show ‘em.” Then I went on to buy a pair of pants and a sweater. I stick to my words. Oh, and here’s the purse they felt the need to attach an alarm to that had my ears ringing for the next day and a half:

Examples of how gullible I am

2008-09-18T14:34:00.000-07:00

Something Crissy said on her bloggie blog today reminded me of a story I just HAD to share despite the fact that ultimately is in an accurate representation of what a ditz I can be. Chuckles and I have spent a couple weekends over the past couple summers lounging around at Lake Chelan and while we generally just lay around and wait for the skin cancer to get us every once in a while we get off our bums and go look through the little touristy shops that permeate the place.

One day we were wandering around an art gallery and I offhandedly mentioned that I liked a painting, which happened to be by one Ed Hunt. Chuckles responded by saying, “Huh. I know his brother Mike.” I replied by loudly saying, “You’ve never mentioned Mike Hunt to me. I have never met Mike Hunt.” Chuckles told me to use my inside voice or I should say attempted to but he was having difficulty because he was laughing too hard.

Then there was the time we were driving up to the tulip fields and as we were passing a Hertz rental car place Chuckles ever so sweetly asked me if I would like a “Hertz donut”. My reply? “Hertz has donuts? Well, yeah I want one. You know how much I love do – OW! What the?!” Yep, he punched me in the arm and then said, “Hurts, don’t it?” HAHAHA. He’s a riot and I’m a dum dum.

Be Present

2008-09-17T09:02:00.000-07:00

Do you like how I’ve stooped to stealing ideas from other bloggers? This particular blogger being Mizfit. It is just that her post yesterday really hit home with me so I decided to STEAL HER IDEA. Mwahahahaha.

Anycrap, Mizfit was talking about being in the moment, which is a tough one for me. As I have said before, and by said before I mean gone on ad nauseum, I am a busy chick. I have this bad habit of always having this long running list in my head of what needs to be done and as a result I am never actually thinking about what I’m doing at that very moment. This tends to be quite overwhelming and I am slowly learning to embrace the advice of one baby step at a time and screw multi tasking.

This is especially apropos this week because I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown Monday night because this is my week off of school and yet I have found ZERO time to workout and it is making me feel like shit. In reality, there is nothing I can do about it so I should just embrace the things I’m doing instead of spending the whole time thinking about what I’m not doing…I’m just rambling now aren’t I? Since I know I am not the only one who is a busy bee what do you guys do to remain sane while in the midst of a hectic schedule? For me every time I start to feel overwhelmed I am going to chant my new mantra, “Be Present.”

On a completely unrelated note, I just received an email from my bestest friend from college who lives in Seabrook, TX which is right on the coast of Galveston Bay. As you can probably imagine things aren’t going so well for her and it’s not just that her fantasy football team isn’t performing well. I feel helpless and am not sure what to say to make her feel better so I am going to do the only thing I know how to do: send her a care package. But I need ideas on what to send her! I want to send her something fun to try and cheer her up – maybe something to entertain her and her fiancé since they will be out of power for approximately the next three weeks.

Things aren't going so well

2008-09-15T10:02:00.000-07:00

As the title not so cleverly points out things are not going so well for me. Specifically in the football arena. I’ve already pointed out that my fantasy football quarterback was Tom Brady and we all know what happened there. Then this weekend I unwittingly left a couple players on my roster who were Houston players – Damn Hurricane Ike! I blame my suckiness all on Ike NOT on my laziness, which caused me to not update my team. It’s Ike’s fault I tell you. Or Spencer’s. In fact, let’s go with Spencer because I hate him with the passion of a thousand suns and the fug girls are right when they say, “Blame Spencer.”

Secondly, my beloved Washington State Cougars are embarrassing themselves. Last week they lost to California to the tune of 66 – 3. Not pretty. I can’t even bring myself to watch, which has caused some people to accuse me of not being a true Coug to which I reply, “SHUT YOUR MOUTH! Do you want me to sing the fight song at the top of my lungs right now?! Do you?! Because I will. Don’t doubt that. And, yes, that is a threat. Nobody wants to hear me sing.”

Thirdly, there are the Seahawks. We got our asses handed to us last week, but this week I blame our loss to the 49er’s on stupid NFL rules. I HATE the way NFL overtime works – it basically all comes down to luck of the draw. If they had called heads I am sure we would have won. Obviously somebody has it out for me and by somebody I mean GOD. So God, please, I really need at least one of my teams to do well. Is that asking too much of you?! Is it?! Of course not. While you’re at it I think I’m going to buy a lottery ticket later so if you could email me the winning numbers I would reaallllyyy appreciate it.

On a completely unrelated note here is my poll for today: Since today is my big sister’s birthday should I A. take her out to dinner and a movie (I was thinking the dollar menu at Mickey D’s and Tyler Perry’s new flick), B. take her shopping at H&M and be loud and obnoxious and force her to try on the most ridiculous outfits I can find, or C. offer to babysit her two little boys and teach the oldest to say naughty things (feel free to suggest naughty sayings that would be funny to hear a three year old boy say).

Help Me Internets!

2008-09-11T14:10:00.000-07:00

I need your advice peoples. In fact, I’ve been thinking that the solution to my inability to make decisions is to start having my three readers make those decisions for me. I’ll have polls such as, “What should I make for dinner? Chicken Piccata or Hot Dogs?” Or, “Which career path should I take, CPA or CFO?” Or, “What should I snack on this afternoon, pretzels or cheezits?” “What is the best dildo out on the market these days?” (That was for you stoogepie!) It’ll be good times.

So my question for you internettians today is what are your feelings on rain boots? I think they’re cute and when I see girls on the streets wearing them I always think they look cute, but the problem I run into is where would I wear them. To work? There never seems to be much of a need for rain boots in my accounting office. A coworker suggested I wear them on the weekends with my jeans tucked in with a fitted jacket, but I am afraid this would stumpify me (I’m petite…so imagine short chubby midget legs). Should I wear it with funky thigh high socks and a miniskirt or does that scream out I think and dress like I am only thirteen years old? How about with opaque tights and a black business skirt or would that just be odd?

I am floundering here and I need your guidance! In case you needed a visual here are the rain boots that I am considering blessing with a good home (I would only pick one pair of course):

Grudges

2008-09-09T14:32:00.000-07:00

I used to balk at the assumption of many that girls hold grudges. The Meganator would come out in full force and demand people stop making such horrible generalizations and then fiercely point out that I do not, in fact, hold grudges.

Unfortunately, I had an epiphany this morning and realized that I do hold grudges. I will never be friends again with that one girl who tried to get me fired at my last job. Sure, maybe she didn’t realize that by telling that lie about me it was bad enough to do more than just get me in trouble, but I will not forgive that.

I will never be friends with that one girl who gave my ex boyfriend a blow job. Sure he was an asshole and I shouldn’t have been with him in the first place, but I will hold that grudge against her to my grave. But these are not what caused the epiphany…I guess that is probably apparent since they are in the distant past. No, it was my fantasy football team that made me realize it.

I hold serious grudges against players who don’t play well for me. Two years ago Randy Moss was on my team when he was still an Oakland Raider and he was HORRIBLE. No matter how many times you try to explain to me that he was not the horrible one, but, instead, his quarterback was horrible I won’t listen. I will plug my ears and start singing Like A Virgin at the top of my lungs so it would actually be in your best interest to not try to talk any sense into me. If Randy Moss ever in some sort of freak accident ends up on my fantasy football team he will be traded before you can say, “It’s almost like you enjoy losing.”

I was trying to figure out what quarterback I would pick up to replace Tom Brady who screwed me over by getting himself hurt in the first quarter of the first game of the season (Thanks a lot Brady!) and one of my options was Marc Bulger. Well, let me tell you, I will never ever have him on a team again, not after last year when he was also injured early on in the season.

As a result of this treatment, that some have called harsh, I dropped my tight end today. He only scored me one point this weekend. Yes, maybe it wasn’t the smartest move to drop Chris Cooley – it might have just been a bad day for him, but, honestly, I don’t care if he kicks ass the rest of the season I will NOT regret dropping him. I just want all my players to know that if you don’t perform like I expect you to then you are GONE. Gone. You’ve been warned Jake Delhomme - that’s how I roll.